BREAKING NEWS: Tiger Woods will make his triumphant return to golf at the Masters next month. Excuse me while I weep tears of who-gives-a-shit. (NY Daily News)
Mark Walhlberg’s six-pack has gone the way of the dodo. (Hollywood PQ)
Katie Price launches an “edible toddler makeup” line. Time to stock your unmarked white vans, pederasts! (Holy Moly)
Celebrity catfight: Justin Bieber vs Nick Jonas! (CelebJihad)
Meet Donna Simpson, the lady who’s voluntarily eating herself into “The World’s Fattest Woman.” (Celebrity Smack)
Brooke Burke’s hair looks like an extra from a Poison video. (CelebSlam)
“Modern Family’s” Sarah Hyland does the whole “frolicking on the beach in Hawaii” thing so popular with celebs these days. (The Blemish)
Why is Jessica Simpson dressed like Zach Galifianakis in “The Hangover?” (CityRag)
Francia Raisa went rollerblading, and I’ll guaran-damn-tee it’ll be the best thing you’ll see all day. (Moe Jackson)
She wears short skirts… Taylor Swift wears granny panties. Song’s not so catchy that way, is it? (CelebNewsWire)
Jessica Simpson finally manages to pick out a dress that doesn’t make her look like a defensive end. (Hollywood Rag)
Mischa Barton looks like a hippie on a bad acid trip. (UseMyComputer)
David Beckham is out of the World Cup with a serious injury! And no, it has nothing to do with his hair. (Socialite Life)
British glamour model Rosie Jones shows us the goods. (Dirty Rotten Whore)
Ha ha ha — Spencer Pratt kicked off “The Hills!” Only he claims he quit to fight cyber terrorism. Riii-ight. (Litely Salted)
“She’s Out of My League” could have been fished right out of a first year film student’s crapper. (Pajiba)
