Porn magazine Hustler claims they got their sticky fingers on a sex tape featuring Rihanna and the opening act on her 2011 Loud tour, rapper J-Cole. I’m hoping they call it “J-Cole in Rihanna’s B-Hole.” Because who doesn’t enjoy a good rhyme? It’s assonance in the truest sense of the word! You know, assonance? Because it means “rhyme in which the same vowel sounds are used with different consonants in the stressed syllables of the rhyming words,” and it also has the word “ass” in it. It’s a play on words! Oh, forget it. Radar Online says:
“Hustler are in possession of the Rihanna and J-Cole tape,” said a rep for the adult company. “We have seen it and we do not know what we are going to do with it yet.”
However, despite Hustler’s claim about the pair, Rihanna is still denying it exists.
Whatever. It’s Rihanna. Of course she has a sex tape. There have been pictures of her vagina on the interwebs for two years now, so what difference is a little penetration gonna make? EDITOR’S NOTE: never try using that line of reasoning on your husband. Trust me, they’re not nearly as receptive as you would hope.