These are the “shocking” photos of Angelina Jolie from Andrew Morton’s new unauthorized biography that Star magazine claimed were going to “rip her and Brad apart.” Well, I don’t know about you, but I know I was certainly shocked when I saw them. Shocked by how fucking lame they were, I mean. Gaffer tape and a dog leash? Come on! It’s Angelina Jolie, for chrissakes! These might as well be photos of her and her maltipoo wearing matching turtleneck sweaters on the “Getting to Know You” section of the 4-H directory.