Allure’s Annual Nude Issue is now on newsstands, which might be interesting if there were more than two chicks inside worth seeing naked. There’s not. Other than Catherine Zeta-Jones and Emmanuelle Chriqui, I’d never even heard of half these women. Even the names sound made up. Colbie Cailat? That might as well be a buddy brand cheese, the kind that poor people might wash down with a Dr. K cola and a bowl of Coco Roos. I haven’t been this disappointed since they canceled “The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer” and “Shasta McNasty.”

Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kara DioGuardi, Regina Hall, Colbie Caillat, and Jessica Capshaw: