I didn’t watch the Teen Choice Awards last night because I was busy prying the fillings from my teeth with a flat-head screwdriver, and if you watched them, I know which one of us had the better time. Suffice it to say that vampires and Justin Bieber were the night’s big winners (full list of winners after the jump). It was like one giant four-hour long commercial for government-sanctioning the morning-after pill.

The most interesting thing that happened at the TCA’s, Selena Gomez’ unshorn pits:

MOVIES

Ultimate Choice: KristenStewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner

Choice Movie, Romance: Twilight, Breaking Dawn, Part One

Choice Movie Actor, Drama: Zac Efron

Choice Movie Actor, Romance: Zac Efron

Choice Movie Actress, Romance: Kristen Stewart

Choice Movie Drama: The Lucky One

Choice Movie, Comedy: 21 Jump Street

Choice Movie Actress, Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Jennifer Lawrence

Choice Movie Actor, Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Josh Hutcherson

Choice Summer Female Movie Star: Kristen Stewart

Choice Summer Male Movie Star: Chris Hemsworth

Choice Male Scene Stealer: Liam Hemsworth

Choice Villain: Alexander Ludwig

Choice Actress, Comedy: Emma Stone

Choice Actress Drama: Emma Stone

Choice Breakout In a Movie: Rihanna

Choice Hissy Fit: Charlize Theron

Choice Movie of the Summer, Comedy or Music: Katy Perry’s Part Of Me

Choice Movie Romance: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1

Choice Movie Actress, Romance: Kristen Stewart

MUSIC

Choice Female Artist: Taylor Swift

Choice Male Artist: Justin Bieber

Choice Female Country Artist: Taylor Swift

Choice Single by a Female Artist: Taylor Swift – Eyes Open

Choice Country song: Taylor Swift – Sparks Fly

Choice Movie Voice: Taylor Swift as Audrey (The Lorax)

Choice Music Group: Selena Gomez and the Scene

Choice Summer Male Music Star: Justin Bieber

Choice Summer Female Music Star: Demi Lovato

Choice Breakup Song: Payphone by Maroon 5

Choice Breakout Artist: Carly Rae Jepsen

Choice Summer Song: Carly Rae Jepsen- Call Me Maybe

Choice Summer Music Star Group: One Direction

Choice Music Breakout Group: One Direction

Choice Love Song: One Direction, What Makes You Beautiful

TELEVISION

Choice TV Show, Sci Fi/Fantasy: The Vampire Diaries

Choice TV Show, Drama: Pretty Little Liars

Choice TV Show, Comedy: Glee

Choice TV Actor, Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Ian Somerhalder

Choice TV Actress, Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Nina Dobrev

Choice TV Actor, Drama: Ian Harding

Choice TV Actress, Drama: Lucy Hale

Choice TV Male Scene Stealer: Michael Trevino

Choice TV Female Scene Stealer: Candice Accola

Choice TV Actor Action: Adam Rodriguez

Choice TV Actress, Comedy: Lea Michele

Choice TV Actor, Comedy: Chris Colfer

Choice Summer TV Star Male: Tyler Posey

Choice Summer TV Star Female: Troian Bellisario

Choice TV Breakout Star Female: Hannah Simone

Choice TV Reality Star: Pauly D

OTHER

Choice Hotties: Miley Cyrus & Ian Somerhalder

Choice Comedian: Ellen DeGeneres

Choice Web Star: Sophia Grace & Rosie

Acuvue Inspire Award: Miranda Cosgrove

Choice Male Fashion Icon: Justin Bieber