Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is reportedly knocked up with boyfriend Jionni LaValle’s bastard child, and she already has big plans to whore out her pregnancy in a bid to become “the next Kourtney Kardashian.” There’s some serious aspiration for you. But MTV is none too happy about the news, because boozing and fighting and casual sex are Jersey Shore’s bread and butter, and nobody wants to see a pregnant chick doing any of that shit. Page Six says:

Polizzi, [who] is roughly three months along, has already brokered a deal to announce the news on the cover of Us Weekly after she shopped the story to several celebrity magazines..

But sources [reveal] that MTV is worried about how to manage the news, given that Polizzi’s hard-partying booze-swilling ways have just been turned into a “Jersey Shore” spinoff with Jenni “JWoww” Farley, which has begun shooting in New Jersey.

“MTV went into crisis mode after they found out,” said a source. “They’re trying to hide it because it would greatly affect the creative direction of the show. ”

How a fetus could actually gestate in that cesspool of a uterus is beyond me. I figured STDs would have rendered her sterile years ago. I guess it’s like Dr. Ian Malcolm said in “Jurassic Park” — life finds a way. Way to drop the ball, natural selection.

Nobody ever takes more than three pictures of this dumb skank at any event she attends, so it’s kinda a random assortment of pics of her over the last month — thumbnail 1 is her at the Bebe Black Collection Fall 2012 fashion show in New York, thumbs 2 and 3 are of her at the Grammys, and 4 & 5 are her arriving at the Live with Kelly show in New York: