These pictures of Eva Longoria on vacation in Portofino took the gossip world by storm today, and “by storm” I mean “she looks fat.” Not that there’s anything wrong with being fat, necessarily. Just like there’s not anything wrong about having a lazy eye or psoriasis that thing where your head grows three time its normal size and shit oozes out of your ears. People like that can still live happy, fulfilling lives. They just need to live them somewhere far away underground in a sewer drain, where their fat ugly skin diseases and uncontrollable gas and ear secretions can’t infect the rest of us beautiful people. It’s what Darwin would have wanted.