Until I saw these pictures, I was pretty sure that Jessica Lowndes was that one old chick in “Blue Sky.” Turns out that was actually Jessica Lange. In my defense, Jessica Lowndes never had her boobs out before. I can’t be bothered to learn your name unless you’re willing to meet me halfway, ladies.
At Gallery Nightclub in Vegas Saturday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
That’s not Rachel Zoe in Adam Lambert’s best Sunday morning brunch outfit — it’s 90210′s AnnaLynne McCord as a magician’s assistant. The magic here being “I’m gonna make a whole nipslip post out of 1/16th of aereola!” Ta-da! Wasn’t that amazing?
Annalynne McCord put on her finest green bikini to fight co-star Megalyn Echikunwoke gladiator-style in an upcoming episode of “90210.” The Daily Mail says:
[Annalyne's character] Naomi attends California University but [has become] rivals with [Megalyn's character] Holly, who in turn becomes friendly with Annie Wilson, another main character played by Shenae Grimes.
Sorry, but I couldn’t decipher a word of that sentence. It might as well have been written in Chinese. I mean, I know my eyes are seeing the words and transmitting the words to my brain for processing, but it’s like my brain won’t string them together and translate them into a coherent thought because it’s so fucking pointless and stupid. Or else I’m having a stroke. It’s probably too soon to tell just yet.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Mujaheddin soldiers could be torturing my Gram-Gram with needle-nosed pliers and a acetylene torches and I still couldn’t force myself to watch the new 90210 from start to finish. The fact that AnnaLynne McCord might be in a bikini isn’t carrot enough. I might find a gold tooth in my Gram-Gram’s shit, too, but I’m not about to root around in her diapers. At least not while she’s still wearing them. I have standards, you know!
With Jessica Stroup and Jessica Lowndes on the beach in L.A. (more pics after the jump):
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
90210′s Shenae Grimes has a spread in this month’s issue of Dirrty Glam, which — contrary to popular belief — is not gay code for “barebacking Adam Lambert,” but an actual magazine. Shenae looks nice and all, but personally, I liked her better when her last name was Jenkins and she lived across the hall from Martin Lawrence in the early ’90′s. “Oh my guh-ness! Oh my guh-ness! Don’t front and lose a tooth up in here while you tryin’ to front in fronta all ya’ll friends, okay? Pow!” You just don’t find dialogue that authentic in today’s primetime television. Perhaps you’ve seen 90210.
Enjoy a clip of the REAL Sheneneh after the jump.
Rumor has it that 90210′s AnnaLynne McCord can be all yours — so long as you’ve got the right stuff. “The right stuff” being something in your pants that’s six inches long and two inches wide that absolutely drives her wild. I’m talking about money, of course. What did you think I was talking about?
UPDATE: Moving this to the top of the page because it’s not Marcia Cross‘ bat face.
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online
Rumer Willis will be playing Jessica Lowndes’ lesbian girlfriend on an upcoming episode of 9021Nobody Gives a Shit Anymore. Seriously, is that the best they could do? Rumer fucking Willis and her big fat potato head? I don’t think that would make Jessica a lesbian as much as it would make her a Lachanophiliac, or “lover of vegetables” to the layperson. And by the way, you would not BELIEVE the evils that come up when you type “vegetable fetish” into a search engine. Dear God. I’m not going to link any of it, but just think of an alternate meaning for the word “vegetable” that has nothing to do with a plant. Yes. Now you’re getting it. I’m pretty sure we’re both going to hell now.
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
I couldn’t put my finger on where I’d seen this girl before. God knows it wasn’t from 90210, because I’d rather douche with fire ants than watch that shit. No, I recognized Jessica Stroup from her role as the Dentyne Ice girl from the commercial a few years back. And also from “The Hills Have Eyes 2: Mutant Attacks.” It’s a classic!
Incredibly disturbing Jessica Stroup “thinspiration” video after the jump
What the…? This is Shenae Grimes, one of the idiots from that “90210″ remake. She went shopping at some dumb store called American Rag in LA yesterday, and seriously, does she have special needs? The hell is she wearing? I’ve never watched the new “90210″ because I’m not 12, but I hope Kelly Taylor is shunning the fuck out of this chick for dressing like the girl version of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo after a head injury.
That crappy new 90210 show blows even harder than the first one did, but thank God for it, because it gave us the likes of AnnaLynne McCord in next month’s GQ. Fun fact: the word “anal lord” is hidden in her name. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. But I find that nothing solves a good mystery like a little ether, a couple of zip ties and a nice long three-day weekend. They don’t call me the Encyclopedia Brown of the Gossip World for nothin’, you know!
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