Abbie Cornish has a new movie currently stinking up a cinema near you, so naturally she got her tits out in next month’s Esquire in the hopes you’ll go see it. It’s a little declassé if you ask me. There’s a fine line between self-promotion and out-and-out whoring. Just like there’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away. It’s just too bad that neither of us knows where that line happens to be.

I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen anything Abbie Cornish has been in, but I know that she’s going to be in Sucker Punch, which looks like a pretty kick-ass movie. The thing is, when I hear the name Cornish, I think of Cornish game hens, like the one I had for dinner the other night. I slathered that chick’s skin with butter, and then stuck my hand up inside and stuffed the hell out of her. Yeah, it was a short-lived relationship because after that I stuck her inside a 350° oven and baked her until her skin blistered and cracked, and then I ate her succulent flesh with a glass of Pinot Noir. Mm, I’m getting hungry. I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

Looking good enough to eat:

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