Days after he was involved in a serious car accident with “family friend” Demaris Meyer, Morgan Freeman announced he and his wife of 24 years were divorcing. Us Weekly says

Mississippi-based attorney Bill Luckett tells Access Hollywood the couple “are involved in a divorce action. For legal and practical purposes, [Freeman and Colley-Lee] have been separated since December of 2007.”

Ah, the “family friend!” The genteel way of saying “homewrecking mistress.” Kinda like “little miracle” instead of “abortion that didn’t take” and “sparkling personality” instead of “two pound neck goiter and chronic halitosis.”

Actor Morgan Freeman is in “serious condition” today after being airlifted from the scene of a car accident in Mississippi last night. According to TMZ

The 71-year-old was in a one-car accident around 11:30 PM outside of Ruleville, Miss. and had to be airlifted to the hospital in Memphis.

Freeman may have fallen asleep at the wheel last night. He apparently lost control, flipping his car several times. His unidentified female passenger had to be cut out of the car using the Jaws of Life.

Although he was reported in serious condition, early reports suggest that he’s going to be okay. Bill Luckett, Freeman’s friend and co-owner of his restaurant Madidi, told TMZ

“[Freeman] was sitting up and talking at the hospital. He has broken several ribs and injured his knee. [His female passenger is] suffering from bumps and bruises, but is ‘all in all in good condition.’”

Well, that’s good news. Also good news? Paris Hilton spontaneously combusted this morning, in the process taking out Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2″ in one flaming ball of divine vengeance. Unfortunately, that last part’s not entirely true, but it’s still good to hear in times like these. Words of comfort and condolence can really make a difference when people are grieving.

Although Shia LaBeouf was drunk the night of his accident, he was ultimately not responsible for the crash. TMZ says

Detectives have determined that the other driver in Shia’s bust-up Sunday morning ran a red light, and that person is responsible for the crash, not LaBeouf. “He was not at fault,” says L.A. Sheriff’s spokesman.

The spokesman went on to say, “He is also not at fault for ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.’ That unfortunate incident was all George Lucas’ doing. We will consider acts of vigilante justice as ‘civic duty.’ That goes double for Episode I.”

Lindsay Lohan was hospitalized early Sunday morning after being sideswiped by a motorbike. According to the NY Post

With sapphic sidekick Samantha Ronson by her side, Lohan was hit by a moving bike “outside a club on 32nd Street,” the movie starlet’s dad Michael Lohan confirmed. “She’s not hurt. That’s all I really care about,” Lohan said of his oldest daughter.

LiLo was taken to Beth Israel Medical Center and released at 4 a.m. [the same day].

How could Lindsay Lohan get hit by a motorbike and not be impaled on a handlebar in a display of phallic comeuppance? Has divine justice abandoned us? Should we go Job on the matter and curse God and die? Of course not! Remember, when the Lord closes a door, someway he opens a window. You have to believe there’s an eighteen-wheeler loaded with pork roasts and kielbasas just around the corner. With faith, all things are possible!

Lindsay Lohan on the set of Ugly Betty in New York July 21st: