Michael Lohan’s mission to get daughter Lindsay into rehab has now progressed into a shock-and-awe media campaign, complete with his airing a list of all the prescription drugs she’s currently using. According to Page Six

[Michael said], “She is taking Adderol, Xanax, Paxil. She’s a beautiful girl but she looks 100 years old.”

For those of you who didn’t regularly buy pills from your RA’s boyfriend freshman year, Paxil is used to treat depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Adderall is used to treat attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and narcolepsy. Xanax is prescribed for anxiety disorders and panic disorders. So unless she’s a hyperactive narcoleptic Korean war vet with polycystic ovarian syndrome and compulsive hand-washing issues, she’s taking waaaay too much goddamn medication. I bet the words “Glaxo-Smith Kline” and “Pfizer” are permanently branded into her liver by now.

And now, for someone who doesn’t look 100 years old — Megan Fox in VIP magazine:

In even more pill-popping news, it’s being reported that Lindsay Lohan’s drastic weight loss comes courtesy of a prescription for the ADHD drug Adderall. According to Us Weekly

Lohan takes Adderall, a prescription drug usually given to people for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, to lose weight.

“She takes Adderall all the time,” one source told Us. “She gets jittery because of the way the pills affect her. It’s a major reason why she’s losing weight.”

And that’s not the only drug in her repertoire — sources say she’s still hooked on the white stuff. You know — the “throat candy.” “Man butter.” “Jizz.” Unfortunately, with semen’s current legal standing in the United States, it’s going to be damn near impossible to wean her off the stuff. Now we just wait for the inevitable moment when she asphyxiates taking two cocks at once and her addiction will tragically cum come full circle.

At the teen.com premiere of Haute and Bothered with sister Ali: