Although it flies in the face of every maternal instinct known to womankind, Amy Winehouse was in the process of adopting a 10-year-old girl from St. Lucia when she died. TMZ says:

The girl — Dannika Augustine (seen above with Amy) — met the singer during one of Amy’s visits to the island over the past few years. She was living in poverty with her single mom when Amy took an interest in her.

Dannika [says], “Amy was already my mother. I would call her mum and she would call me her daughter. I loved her and she loved me … She was the most amazing person and I was looking forward to living with her here or in London. I cannot believe she is gone. This is the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

Dannika’s grandmother says she spoke to Amy a few weeks ago and that Amy planned to return to St. Lucia next month. She [said], “Amy wanted to have a child so bad. If she had not died, there is no doubt she would be here in St Lucia completing the adoption process.”

Both of Dannika’s parents had signed off on the adoption.

I’m sure that braiding tourists’ hair on the beach all day is no picnic, but it sure beats the hell out of sifting through the carpet for crack crumbs and turning new mommy on her side so she doesn’t choke on her own vomit. Dannika’s parent would have been better off leaving her in the jungle in the hopes that a jaguar and a swingin’ jive-talkin’ bear found her and raised her as their own.

UPDATE: Amy’s rep is denying this story.

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds have jumped on the celebrity adopt-a-third-world-urchin bandwagon and begun the process of obtaining their very own African orphan. According to Star Magazine:

“Scarlett has always wanted to adopt from outside the U.S.,” an insider [said]. “She feels now is finally the right time.”

Ryan, whose older brother is adopted, and Scarlett are already working with a U.S.-based adoption agency, and they’ve narrowed the search to Ghana or Ethiopia – the same country where Scarlett’s mom, Melanie, recently adopted a baby girl.

I’m glad she decided to go with an African baby. I’m sure her stylist already told her, but the Chinese ones are way too yellow for her skin tone and complexion. She should definitely stick with mocha or espresso colored babies if she ever plans on wearing red again. You don’t want your accessory orphan clashing with your own natural hue!

Scarlett for Mango Summer 2010:

And at the Tony Awards Sunday night:

Katherine Heigl and husband Josh Kelley have officially adopted a 10-month old baby girl from Korea. They wrote on their foundation’s website

Katherine and Josh have named their daughter Nancy Leigh and she will go by the nickname Naleigh. She is named after Katherine’s mother Nancy and Katherine’s sister Margaret Leigh. Katherine, Josh and Naleigh are together and doing well.

Ugh, an Asian baby? Please. Those things are so 2005. Everybody who’s anybody knows that African babies are where it’s at nowadays. You’re better off sticking with a classic accessory like the Hermès Birkin bag or a nice pair of Stuart Weitzman boots. Unlike the Asian urchin, those things never go out of style!

Here’s a real shocker for you: Madonna’s unquenchable narcissism and obsession with working out makes her a less-than-ideal mother! Astounding, I know. According to Madonna’s former chef and house manager Eric Ienco, her children are lucky if they get to see her Madgesty for more than a half hour a day. He told the National Enquirer

“It’s a puzzle she wants to adopt again. She’s hardly ever with her children. She’s got two full-time nannies and one part-time nanny. So why adopt a kid if somebody else is raising them?

[Her day is rigidly planned --] she gets up and has a coffee, then she does two hours of yoga. Then there’s two hours of Pilates and exercise. That’s six days a week.

After that, she deals with her e-mail, her calls and the rest of her business. And after that, she spends maybe half an hour with the kids. If Lourdes comes in and says, ‘I want to see Mom,’ she is told, ‘She’s doing yoga’ – and Lourdes knows she can’t disturb Mom.

Madonna puts herself before her kids. When she adopted little David, he arrived at her home from Africa – and three hours later, she left to do Pilates. Wouldn’t you think she’d want to spend the entire day with her new son?”

There’s only one plausible reason she’s so desperate to adopt — viable pluripotent stem cells harvested from fresh kiddie organs. Mama doesn’t need a new pair of shoes; she needs a new liver and organic dermal reconstruction!

Madonna’s affairs with 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz and whoremonger Alex Rodriguez may have squelched any chances of her adopting another child from Malawi. According to the NY Daily News

A senior official from Malawi’s Ministry of Women and Child Welfare Development… said morality plays a big part in the adoption process [in Malawi].

He said, “Madonna’s relationships may negatively affect the adoption of [ 3-year-old Mercy James]. The news she is linked to another woman’s husband and a young man less than half her age makes us question her morals.”

Well, I’m glad something finally tipped them off that Madonna wasn’t exactly a saint. You’d think the book of Sex pictures and the Penthouse spread might have sent up a few red flags before, but remember, this is Africa we’re talking about. I’m pretty sure the printed word is still a myth over there, much like “democracy” and “condoms.”

With Gwyneth Paltrow at the afterparty for the premiere of ‘Valentino: The Last Emperor’ last week: