Oh, there’s definitely some global warming going on — in Al Gore’s pants, that is! High five! An Oregon masseuse has gone public with her 2006 sexual abuse allegations against the former vice president. The NY Post says:

The allegations by the 54-year-old woman had been kept under wraps for years, but were uncovered in the wake of Gore’s recent split from wife Tipper. Tipper had previously complained about her husband’s trips to massage therapists and reportedly suspected he may have been involved with one.

The woman’s lawyer [said] she decided to file a complaint, alleging that Gore — who signed into the hotel as “Mr. Stone” — repeatedly subjected her to unwanted sexual touching.

“I finally got out the door after being forcefully being pulled back in the room . . . a couple times and trying to leave, to be groped and fondled and have tongue kisses forced on me. . . . and that’s when he’s saying, ‘You know you want to do it.’ ”

She said Gore was so persistent, she derided him for “being a crazed sex poodle.” The woman also claimed she even saved pants she wore the night of the encounter after noticing suspicious stains on the garment, a police report noted.

[Hotel documents confirm] Gore ordered up a 90-minute “therapeutic massage” at Hotel Lucia after 11 p.m. on Oct. 24, 2006. That session was followed by a 75-minute “shin do session.”

Shin do, or shin shi? Maybe the brochure wasn’t clear. I once paid good money for a O2 Marine Facial, and let me tell you, it was NOT what I expected at all. There was no facial, and there sure as hell wasn’t any “O.” There wasn’t even a guy in a uniform. And yet they’re the ones who ended up pressing charges. I didn’t even get my money back.

Gisele Bundchen in bikini for Calzedonia (video after the jump), because Al Gore looks like, um, Al fucking Gore:

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Al Gore has been betrayed by the very internet he created — rumors that he’d been teabagging Seinfeld creator Larry David’s wife while still married to Tipper began making the interweb rounds yesterday afternoon. Star Magazine says:

Al Gore’s split from wife Tipper after 40 years was a shock to everyone who thought theirs was the ideal marriage. [But the truth is] the former Vice President was having an affair with Larry David’s ex-wife for the past two years!

Al has been having an affair with Laurie, who divorced Curb Your Enthusiasm star Larry David in 2007 amidst reports she was cheating with the caretaker of their Martha’s Vineyard summer home.

“Al and Laurie went from friends to lovers,” an insider tells Star. “It couldn’t be avoided.”

Well, men have needs, and it’s not like chlorofluorocarbons were keeping Al warm at night. Plus the hole in the ozone layer is WAAY too big to properly stimulate a man’s sex organ. Until environmentally-sound masturbation goes mainstream, he had no other choice but to bone his friends’ wives. See his video “An Inconvenient Screw” for more details.

The 40th Annual NAACP Image Awards were last night.  I have no idea if they were televised, because I still have the flu and I spent my evening raging with fever, hoping that I might die in my sleep and find an end to my suffering.  Alas, I woke up this morning still nine kinds of alive and still feverish, cursing every god I’ve ever heard of.  I am not remotely in a good mood, so buckle your chin straps, bitches.  Today might be a little bumpy.

Another red carpet, more ladies in dresses…

Rosario Dawson (oooh, pretty):

Halle Berry (drink her in before she shaves her head for Nappily Ever After):

Dakota Fanning (I guess she’s a Strong Black Woman now since she did The Secret Life of Bees):

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