Hey guys, it’s Sonya today filling in while Abby spends the day trying to fill in the blanks in her memory from this past weekend. Alcohol amnesia can be such a bitch! Hey, speaking about alcohol and bitches, Lindsay Lohan is bound and determined to get back to making great movies again. Wow, that was weird putting Lindsay Lohan and great movies in the same sentence. Says Popeater,

Lindsay Lohan is determined to return to the top of the Hollywood A-list.

In an interview with Vanity Fair conducted prior to her incarceration, Lohan tells the magazine that she’s willing to do whatever it takes.

“I want my career back. I want the respect that I had when I was doing great movies. And if that takes not going out to a club at night, then so be it. It’s not fun anyway.”

“I don’t care what anyone says. I know that I’m a damn good actress. … And I know that in my past I was young and irresponsible — but that’s what growing up is. You learn from your mistakes,” she says.

The actress also defends herself against rumors that she is an alcoholic. “If I were the alcoholic everyone says I am, then putting a [SCRAM] bracelet on would have ended me up in detox, in the emergency room, because I would have had to come down from all the things that people say I’m taking and my father says I’m taking — so that says something, because I was fine,” she explains.

“I’ve never abused prescription drugs. I never have — never in my life. I have no desire to. That’s not who I am. I’ve admitted to the things that I’ve done — to, you know, dabbling in certain things and trying things ’cause I was young and curious and thought it was like, OK, ’cause other people were doing it and other people put it in front of me. And I see what happened in my life because of it.”

Shit, I must be hallucinating, because for some reason I thought that they put SCRAM bracelets on because you have a problem with alcohol. And I’m so relieved to know that she never abused prescription drugs and has no desire to, because illegal drugs are the way to go. You don’t have to bother with trying to find a doctor who will give you a fake prescription. That shit is tiresome. Also, excuse me, but did she just fast forward like, 10 years or something? I know she has the face of a 30-something, but I seem to remember her getting in trouble for her drug/alcohol shenanigans pretty damn recently. She makes it sound like she was “dabbling”, as she calls it, when she was filming The Parent Trap, for pete’s sake.

Yes, this is what she wore to court on Monday:

While a judge was issuing a bench warrant for her arrest on Tuesday, Lindsay Lohan and her SCRAM bracelet were busy sunning themselves by the pool. I’d say it’s pretty clear she isn’t Catholic, because Catholics know a thing or two about shame. Also, a real Catholic would never mistake a rosary for anal beads. It’s a classic Protestant tell.

American Idol constestant Emily Wynne-Hughes, pictured above with fellow Go Betty Go bandmates and her flounder-esque ass, is the proud owner of an alcohol monitoring bracelet stemming from a DUI conviction last year. According to TMZ

Turns out Emily — the same tattooed chick who can’t seem to keep her pants on — has been ordered to wear a SCRAM bracelet.

The whole thing is over an arrest back in July, where cops busted her for allegedly driving drunk in West Hollywood. Emily copped a plea to a lesser charge of reckless driving. In addition to the bracelet, Emily was placed on 3 years probation.

It looks like we’ve got another Jessica Sierra on our hands! Not literally, of course. There’s not enough Clorox the world over to get that kind of stank off your mitts. You’d be better off lopping ‘em off and burning them in a turpentine fire.

BONUS: Video of Ryan Seacrest trying to high five the blind guy (Scott McIntyre):