Those people at Vogue Russia are some wacky people. Here they’ve thrown a mishmash of boxing gear, evening dresses, weird man-girdle things together with Alessandra Ambrosio and some awfully fey men who are trying their best to look interested in her and not each other.  I’d love to hear the Russian photographer’s coaching for this one:

” Yes, look like you are sexy boxer-lady, but also at same time, fairy princess.”

“No, I need girdle to be tighter, so man-package is more, “hello, here I am”.

“Vat do you mean, ‘Vy does Sasha get to wear studded headgear?’  Shut up and vet your lips, Ivan.”

Here’s Alessandra Ambrosio’s photoshoot for Victoria’s Secret Secret Moments body care line. I’m not sure how these pictures are supposed to promote lotions and stuff when there’s nary a bottle to be seen, but I guess we’ll just go with it since she’s gorgeous. She was recently complaining about her lack of a bigger booty, as Mail Online reports,

She has been accused of losing a little too much weight after giving birth to her daughter 18 months ago.

But Alessandra Ambrosio’s latest shoot for luxury lingerie label Victoria’s Secret proves she is in great shape.

Just a few weeks ago Miss Ambrosio, who gave birth to daughter Anja Louise in August 2008, came under scrutiny when she was pictured on a beach shoot in St Barts looking worryingly thin. Wearing a white bikini her ribcage was clearly visible as were her pelvic bones.

The model recently admitted she was unhappy with her rear since shedding her post-pregnancy weight.
She told Fox News at the 15th Anniversary of the Victoria’s Secret Swim Catalogue: ‘I wish I had a bigger butt. A little bit more booty wouldn’t hurt. When I was pregnant I had a much bigger booty and I was very happy with it.’

Oh, what’s that sound? I think I hear the waaahbulance coming for you. There’s little more annoying or nauseating than a perfect goddess complaining about her body or looks. STFU, beeyotch.

I think this is pretty much every lonely nerd’s fantasy right here — three lingerie models splashing around together in a pool. Only Alessandra Ambrosio is probably wielding a light saber and playing Quidditch topless in the version in your head. Dork.

Sarah’s in tomorrow, so I’ll see you snarky bastards Monday!

Miranda Kerr, Alessandra Ambrosio and Candice Swanepoel promoting the 15th Anniversary of the Swimsuit Catalog in L.A.:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio is in this month’s French Elle, and blah blah blahbitty blahbitty blah blah seriously, if you’re still reading words at this point, it’s time to invest in an Aphex Twin album and an International Male catalog, because you’re fucking gayer than Rainbow Christmas. Fact.

You’re welcome:

These pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio may or may not be new. Regardless (and irregardless), I’m putting them up, because they have bare bottom and see-through nipples. I mean, you can see through to her nipples. Her nipples themselves aren’t see-through. You know, in case you thought you were gonna get a look inside her thoracic cavity by means of transparent areola. And if that’s the case, you should probably take off the ladies’ undergarments and get back to dismembering your neighbor before she starts to smell. Fuckin weirdo.

I don’t think any of these pictures are from the Victoria’s Secret 2010 Valentine’s Special we saw the other day.  I’m pretty sure these are just from their regular, non-Valentine swimwear and lingerie catalogue, not that any of you lot really give a shit one way or the other what the hell they’re for.  I’m sure all you care about is the fact that they feature Alessandra Ambrosio with very little fabric covering her naked flesh.

In other sexy news, Abby’s back from vacation early and will be re-joining you on Monday.  As always, it’s been a pleasure being with you these last few weeks, and I’ll see you again soon.

Kisses,
Sarah

Why am I posting these pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini in St. Barths? Well, I think the real question here is, “why wouldn’t I be posting these pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini in St. Barths?” It certainly isn’t “where are your pants” or “why is the stapler covered in Vaseline,” no matter what that stupid bitch in HR tries to tell you.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

Whatever you felt looking at Susan Sarandon’s tits, this would be the exact opposite of that. I wouldn’t go as far as to call it “pride.” Maybe “less shame and self-loathing.” After all, ’tis the season to masturbate alone. Bottoms up!

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Victoria’s Secret swimsuit shoot in St. Barth’s:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

I know you’re as sick of hearing about Tiger as I am of writing about Tiger, so here’s a little change-of-pace palate cleanser for you: Victoria’s Secret Angels Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes, and Candice Swanepoel frolicking on the beach in bikinis. I may not have a beard or a red suit, but sometimes a faint mustache and forty extra pounds are all you need to be Santa. So Merry Christmas, jerk offs!

More Yuletide cheer after the jump.

Candice Swanepoel:

Doutzen Kroes:

Alessandra Ambrosio:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

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I’m going to do things a little backwards today and start with the S.S. because the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was last night, and it’s the best thing you’re gonna see all day. Trust me, it’s all downhill from here. Kinda like my life for the last fifteen years.

UPDATE: Moving this to the top of the page so you can abuse it all weekend. You’re welcome!

Ana Beatriz Barros, Selita Ebanks, Erin Heatherton and Isabel Goulart after the jump.

Heidi Klum:

Alessandra Ambrosio:

Miranda Kerr:

Marisa Miller and Doutzen Kroes:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

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In classical mythology, ambrosia was the nectar of the gods that begat immortality to anyone who drank it. It stands to reason that Ambrosio must be the stuff that comes out when one of the gods ejaculates perfection, because Alessandra Ambrosio is positively divine. Sure as hell beats someone eating your mother in fly form and then taking an ax to his head to give birth to you. That’s right, Minerva and her suit of armor can suck it!

Bikini shoot in St. Barths:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Here’s a bunch of pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio (not) eating the same piece of cake for the launch of “Velvet-The Fragrance” at Victoria’s Secret in NYC.  After all, you don’t get to be a Victoria’s Secret model by eating, you know! You DO get to be a female sumo wrestler though. Ask me how!