43-year old supermodel Cindy Crawford gets naked and covered in shaving cream in an artsy-fartsy photoshoot for next month’s Allure magazine. Don’t get me wrong — I approve of the whole “naked supermodel” bit — but the rest I just don’t get. I assume it’s part of the well-known artistic movement known as the “Cliched Regurgitation of Avant-garde Pretense” series, or “CRAP” as it’s more commonly known in the vernacular.

Back in January of 2006, Lindsay Lohan reportedly scrawled “Scarlett Johansson is a cunt,” in sharpie on the bathroom wall of a New York City nightclub. And two years later, Scarlett is finally ready to talk about it. MSNBC reports

“I really don’t know [Lindsay]. I only met her, like, three times,” Johansson told Allure magazine.

As for the stall-scrawl incident, Johansson said in the December issue, “I don’t know what the motivation was behind that. I remember it was something really vulgar — I mean, shockingly so, like, ‘Whoa, what, who are you?’”

Ah, the bathroom stall disparaging! A fail-safe when TP-ing her locker or tripping her in the cafeteria isn’t an option. I’d still watch your back if I were you, Scarlett. And also maybe your husband’s front. The only thing that makes penises disappear faster than Lindsay Lohan’s vagina is Lorena Bobbitt and a carving knife.

Candids from the Allure photoshoot: