Human dolphin Michael Phelps might have more gold medals than God and the adoration of the entire nation, but he’s not good enough for former women’s breaststroke champion Amanda Beard. She went on “Johnjay and Rich in the Morning” yesterday to let the public know just how physically repulsive she found our golden boy. According to MSNBC

“C’mon, I have really good taste,” she told the radio hosts. “He’s not really my type, personally.” Laughing, she added, “I go for a little bit different-looking guys.” When asked if she ever kissed Michael, Amanda answered, “Ew, no!” Held hands? “Ew, no! Not even that.” Even the mere suggestion that Michael might be attracted to her inspired an “ew-that’s-so-nasty” response.

Amanda Beard has won a whopping seven medals in her lifetime, only two of which were gold, and she didn’t even qualify for the semifinals in Beijing. Michael Phelps, on the other hand, won eight gold medals in Beijing for a grand total of 16 career medals — 14 gold and 2 bronze. Michael Phelps was awarded the World Swimmer of the Year Award in 2003, 2004, 2006, and 2007 and American Swimmer of the Year Award in 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2006, and 2007. Amanda Beard looks like the cadaver of some kind of Romulan-horse hybrid. Look, I’m not saying she is a communist, and I’m not saying she isn’t a communist. I’m just saying that she loves desecrating the American flag naked. Advantage always: Michael Phelps.

Living long and prospering in Hawaii last year: