Heather Locklear is doing what any aging, former soap opera star would do to get back in the spotlight, if only for a few precious, fleeting moments: have a night downing prescription pills and booze. Also known as, “A damn good time”. Says Digital Spy,

Heather Locklear is said to be in a conscious and stable condition after being rushed to hospital on Thursday (January 12).

The Melrose Place actress – who successfully completed an in-patient rehabilitation program for a prescription drug dependency in 2010 after being involved in a hit-and-run accident – was examined by paramedics and taken for medical treatment in an ambulance.

It is thought that she may have mixed prescription drugs and alcohol.

A spokesperson for Los Robles Hospital told KNBC Los Angeles that Locklear will remain in hospital overnight, adding that she is conscious, stable and “resting comfortably”.

“Successfully completed an in-patient rehabilitation program” these days just means that you A. had enough money to bribe the orderly to slip you your drug of choice or B. have a sympathetic mom who hides your stash in her abundant cleavage. Guess which one is my favorite method?

Someone named Laura Whitmore at the Brit Awards, who affirms the benefits of plastic surgery (everyone knows that the British are ugly):

I guess nine is the magic number when it comes to extramarital affairs, because Tiger Woods’ wife has packed up her shit and moved out. The Daily Mail says

Elin Nordegren, the mother of Woods’ two young children, has moved out of the family home and is now living in a nearby house.

According to Swedish newspapers she bought Faglaro Mansion, which sits on an island close to Stockholm, with her sister rather than with her husband.

And it seems that Tiger may not have just had a penchant for the poonanny in all this — it’s being reported today that he was rushed to hospital for a suspected overdose the day he crashed his car outside his house:

The star’s wife, Elin Nordegren, gave paramedics at the hospital two bottles of [Tiger's] prescription drugs, Vicodin painkillers and Ambien sleeping pills [after his crash].

He was said to have been having trouble breathing, was falling in and out of consciousness and doctors even had to use a tube to help him breathe.

Woods was said to have been drinking and taking Ambien and Vicodin on the night he crashed his car outside the family home.

And speaking of unconscious and unable to breathe, an unidentified blond woman was rushed from Tiger’s home “on advanced life support” at 2:30 this morning. TMZ says

A middle-aged, blond woman was taken to the hospital early this morning. We have now confirmed the call came from Tiger’s address. We also know a younger blond woman followed the ambulance to the hospital. And, as we reported, Elin’s mom is in the U.S. to be with her daughter. An ambulance reportedly raced to Tiger Woods’ block in Windermere, FL overnight — and transported a middle-aged woman to the hospital … but there are conflicting reports.

So, clearly, Tiger tried to slip a little arsenic into Elin’s Ovaltine and his mother-in-law accidentally drank it instead. That’s one you can’t bounce back from. The public will forgive the occasional wandering penis and addiction issues, even excuse child rape if your last name is Polanski, but you don’t get carte blanche when it comes to killing people just because you’re famous. That only works if you’re drunk and hit them with your car. Just ask the NFL!

UPDATE: TMZ is now confirming that the mystery woman was Elin’s mother, who went to the hospital with “stomach pains” and is in stable condition.