Hot on the heels of being named Forbes’ Most Powerful Celebrity of 2012, 42-year old Jennifer Lopez has decided to leave the show that single-handedly resurrected her floundering career and landed her endorsement deals with both L’Oreal and Gillette. So why pass on another twenty-million dollar American Idol paycheck? Two words: Enrique Iglesias. Seriously. Us Magazine says:
This summer, [Lopez] will embark on a 20-city tour of the U.S. and Latin America with Enrique Iglesias with dates that conflict with Idol’s pre-taping schedule; she’s also in the midst of recording a new album [and] numerous film projects… including a role in this summer’s Ice Age 4: Continental Drift.
Passing on twenty million for Enrique fucking Iglesias? He doesn’t even have the mole anymore! At best, you’re looking at one, maybe two mil for him on the black market. That’s a little too much risk and not enough return if you ask me.
Jim Carrey’s daughter from his first marriage made it past the first round of auditions on last night’s “American Idol.” You can definitely see the family resemblance, but Jane’s no chip off the ol’ block, I can tell you that much. She didn’t bend over and sing out of her assonce. Seriously, WTF?
FF to the 2:30 mark to see Jane’s audition if you hate watching American Idol as much as I do; pics of Jim and Jane below:
I was wondering what Margaret Cho was doing in such a stupid hat until I read the tags on the pics. Turns out that’s not Margaret Cho at all. It’s “American Idol” winner Kelly Clarkson. Who knew? Yeah, apparently she’s endorsing Republican candidate Ron Paul now. And also probably Hostess and Entenmann’s, respectively.
Putting on a free show for the Sugar Bowl FanJam in New Orleans on Sunday:
Executive producer Nigel Lythgoe confirmed on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show yesterday that Jennifer Lopez would be returning for another season of “American Idol.” EDITOR’S NOTE: I assume the same people who listen to Ryan Seacrest’s radio show are also the same people watching “Keeping up with the Kardashians.” They are a blight on our society and must be eliminated. Or at least neutered. Just like Ryan Seacrest. Anyway, the Daily Mail says:
During a phone call to the show, Lythgoe settled the speculation, confirming: ‘I am delighted to say that all three judges [are] back for the next season.’
It has been reported that the singer has signed on for a bumper pay packet at over $20 million – up from the $12 million she’d previously earned.
Twenty million dollars for “American Idol?” Are you kidding me? Who watches that shit anymore? I couldn’t tell you who won any of the last six seasons, and it’s my fucking job to know. I don’t which that says more about, the crappiness of the show or my own mad job skillz, but one thing’s clear: you can totally see Olivia Wilde’s sideboob in that dress. The end.
Side-boobin’ on the red carpet at the “Cowboys & Aliens” UK premiere:
The faggy kid was the big winner of American Idol’s tenth season, beating out the chubby girl in a star-studded crapfest that I didn’t bother watching last night because I was too busy huffing glue. The Daily Mail says:
With an astonishing 122million votes cast by viewers, there was no doubt that Scotty McCreery was the popular choice, with Lauren Alaina coming in second place.
‘I never in my wildest dreams,’ said an emotional Scotty, whose strikingly deep, old-soul voice defies his youth.
The religious 17-year-old then added: I’ve got to thank the Lord first… he got me here.’
The star-studded show featured performances from Lady Gaga, Bono, The Edge, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Judas Priest, Kirk Franklin, Jack Black, Tony Bennett, Carrie Underwood and Tom Jones.
Bono? Really, Bono was on American Idol promoting some Spiderman shit? And I thought I he couldn’t sink any lower than hawking Louis Vuitton man-purses for Marc Jacobs. That just goes to show you should never bank on artist integrity when there’s a dollar at stake. I think selling out just reached its zenith.
Lady Gaga and Jennifer Lopez performing (video of both, plus Beyonce & the female finalists after the jump):
After losing more than 30 pounds in the last year, American Idol castoff Jordin Sparks posted the above picture of herself in a bikini on Twitter yesterday. I’m not sure what kind of special diet she was on, but judging from her stomach, I’d say it was probably along the lines of not eating more than you can lift. It’s clearly paid off in spare tires spades for the singer.
Last night’s American Idol began with an apology on behalf of new judge Steven Tyler. And no, it wasn’t an apology for having to see his botched facelift in high-def. The Daily Mail says:
The screen went black and a message read: “American Idol would like to apologize for last week’s outrageous behavior by Steven Tyler. Mr Tyler has been warned and assures us it will never happen again.”
The behavior in question was screened on previous week’s show when a contestant named Jake Muck walked onto the audition stage in Austin, Texas.
Tyler told him: ‘You know what Muck rhymes with, don’t you?’ The contestant replied: ‘Duck’.
To which Aerosmith frontman Tyler said simply: ‘Read my lips.’
It’s curious that producers would choose to air an apology for footage they chose to keep in the edited show. Unless, of course, it was just a cheap ploy to drum up free press for their now-flagging prime time gem. But far be it from Fox to resort to such cheap parlor tricks! Especially when there’s gratuitous full-body shots of contestant Jacqueline Dunford’sunbelievable ass to be had. Leave it to Fox to consider “lowest common denominator” a challenge.
“American Idol” just put the final nail in its Nielsen coffin: they wrote Jennifer Lopez a check for the equivalent of the Gross Domestic Product of Burundi to replace former judges Ellen DeGeneres and Kara Dioguardi. Us Magazine says:
Jennifer Lopez is getting $12 million to serve as an American Idol judge next season.
On Monday, a source told Us that Lopez’s deal was set.
After a long negotiation process, “it ended up working out and they have a good agreement,” the source said.
She joins longtime Idol judge Randy Jackson and newcomer, Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler.
Only she’ll actually be paid in real American dollars, not dried chicken feet and HIV-positive orphans. When referencing the GDP of Burundi, I find it’s important to make that distinction.
Jennifer Lopez has a well-documented history of outlandish diva demands, but this is one time her my-way-or-the-highway attitude has come back to bite her in the giant ass. According to People magazine:
Jennifer Lopez won’t be a judge on American Idol after all, according to a source close to the situation.
The singer-actress had been closing a deal to be a permanent judge on the show for its upcoming 10th season but the deal fell apart.
“Her demands got out of hand,” says the source. “Fox had just had enough.”
With Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres both departing the talent search, the network had been pursuing a number of celebrities as potential judges, including Aerosmith‘s Steven Tyler.
I’m glad to see Fox is still planning on milking this cash cow for all it’s worth. I was afraid they were going to let American Idol exit gracefully — you know, “go out with a bang” — but instead, they’ve shot it in both knees and are taking turns beating it with a shovel until it stops whimpering. I guess leaving a stain is almost as good as making your mark, right? Consider AI the wet fart on the metaphorical satin panties of television history.
American Idol really pulled out all the stops for Simon Cowell’s farewell appearance on the season finale last night: there were performances by the Bee Gees, Hall and Oates, Michael McDonald, Alice Cooper, Joe Cocker and Bret Michaels. I didn’t actually watch because I don’t give a fuck, but I think it’s safe to assume they all arrived in a DeLorean after making the jump from the year 1985.
Oh, and someone named Lee DeWyse won. I’m pretty sure his picture’s in there somewhere (ten more after the jump):
American Idol’s most annoying judge Kara Dioguardi shows off her bikini bod in next month’s issue of Women’s Health. It’s definitely an improvement, but in the same way that sprinkling glitter on a wart is an improvement. Doesn’t mean the wart is any less annoying; it just means it’s less offensive to look at. A gentleman should know the difference.
The only way these pictures of American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi could be more boring is if they were part of Sunday morning church service with your grandparents and served in a bowl of lukewarm cauliflower purée. I’m downright embarrassed for Maxim. But still not as embarrassed as I’d be if someone actually caught me reading Maxim. Ha ha, I still have my dignity, you know!
