If you want to see a waste of a perfectly good naked woman, try on next month’s Details magazine for size. You’ll find American Idol runner-up and notorious flamer Adam Lambert doing his best hetero impression all over a beautiful naked female model inside. I just don’t get it. Adam Lambert is gay, and Details magazine is gay… it doesn’t make any sense. The only way a naked woman is going to appeal to that target demographic is if there’s an article about the sophisticated old world charm wainscoting adds to a room and a recipe for the perfect risotto al Barolo printed on her backside.
Fox called her bluff: Paula Abdul will not be returning to American Idol. She posted the following on her official Twitter
With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to IDOL.
I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day 1 become an international phenomenon.
What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me
It truly has been breathtaking… I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all!
I guess leaving Idol isn’t all bad for Paula. Now she can really get a good head start on hoarding buttons and playing dress up with her sixteen cats and hiding in the bushes so she can catch the neighborhood kids ringing her doorbell. Or whatever else it is crazy ladies do when they’re not in production on a hit TV show.
Some girl who auditioned for seasons 7 and 8 of American Idol but never made it to Hollywood was killed over the weekend in a hit and run. According to TMZ
Alexis Cohen was struck on a road in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Her body was found by two pedestrians 350 yards from Cohen’s parked car. She suffered chest, head and abdominal injuries.
Cohen received notoriety for her post-audition rant in Season 7.
Alexis might still be alive today if she’d remembered that old adage “look both ways before you cross the street.” Also that old adage “never fucking live in New Jersey.” My grandma cross-stitched both on a sampler for me so I’d never forget.
Joe Jonas’ girlfriend Camilla Belle in French Elle this month because word on the street is they broke up:
Although auditions for the ninth season of American Idol start August 6, long-time judge Paula Abdul doesn’t even have a contract proposal from the show’s production companies yet. Maybe they just didn’t offer it in pill form. According to the LA Times
“Very sadly, it does not appear that she’s going to be back on ‘Idol,’” [said] David Sonenberg, Abdul’s manager.
“I think unnecessarily hurtful,” he said of the contract holdup. “I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven’t stepped up and said what they want to do. I reached out to the head of business affairs at FremantleMedia and 19 Entertainment and told Fox that Paula would love to be on the show, [but] I have not received any proposal whatsoever.”
Representatives for Fremantle, 19 and Fox all separately declined to comment.
“She’s not a happy camper as a result of what’s going on. She’s hurt. She’s angry,” Sonenberg said. “I think at this point we’re going to be considering everything, including some kind of a competition show. She has tremendous ideas for a whole variety of shows.”
Boy, that “American Idol” is gonna rue the day, I tell you. Rue the day. Because where are they gonna find another judge who finds every contestant “stayed true to who they are” and “amazing” and “a breath of fresh air?” American Idol just shot itself in the foot. Well, metaphorically, of course. Not like that time Paula shot herself in the foot because she thought it was a musk rat. That’s just a unfortunate coincidence.
Some Hey Paula highlights plus various interviews where she’s high as a goddamn kite after the jump
In case you missed it, the finale of American Idol was last night, and everyone’s all up in arms because that one gay dude didn’t win. NY Daily News says
Kris Allen managed to pull off the upset of a lifetime. Going into the finale, there was talk of “red state-blue state” politics at work, with [Adam] Lambert’s painted fingernails, “guyliner,” and uncertain sexuality against Allen’s down-home, churchgoing sensibilities.
Seriously, I couldn’t care less about this if it were swathed in Charmin and floating in my toilet. So instead, enjoy a video of “Bikini Girl” Katrina Darrell’s triumphant bikini-clad return last night, where she was joined on stage by judge Kara DioGuardi for a rousing rendition of Mariah Carey’s “Vision of Love.” And by “rousing” I mean “Katrina rips open her dress and reveals her bikini at then end.” It’s the only part of the finale that won’t make you want to stab your own eyes out.
Ever wanted to know what Britney Spears would look like if she were a twice-divorced 56-year old brunette with cerebral palsy? Paula Abdul’s “I’m Just Here For The Music” performance on American Idol last night ought to pretty much answer your question.
Eva Mendes channeling Raquel Welch because she’s not a senior citizen in a corset:
The judges were unanimous when it came to American Idol hopefulCasey Carlson last night: yes, yes, yes, and hell yes. While there was nothing particularly impressive about her voice (you can watch the audition in its entirety after the jump), there was something VERY impressive about her body. Two things, to be exact. I was talking about her incandescent smile and her sparkling hazel eyes. Pervert.
American Idol constestant Emily Wynne-Hughes, pictured above with fellow Go Betty Go bandmates and her flounder-esque ass, is the proud owner of an alcohol monitoring bracelet stemming from a DUI conviction last year. According to TMZ
Turns out Emily — the same tattooed chick who can’t seem to keep her pants on — has been ordered to wear a SCRAM bracelet.
The whole thing is over an arrest back in July, where cops busted her for allegedly driving drunk in West Hollywood. Emily copped a plea to a lesser charge of reckless driving. In addition to the bracelet, Emily was placed on 3 years probation.
It looks like we’ve got another Jessica Sierra on our hands! Not literally, of course. There’s not enough Clorox the world over to get that kind of stank off your mitts. You’d be better off lopping ‘em off and burning them in a turpentine fire.
BONUS: Video of Ryan Seacrest trying to high five the blind guy (Scott McIntyre):
Paula Abdul went on Barbara Walters’ Sirius XM radio show “Barbara Live!” Monday night to let the world know that she blames “American Idol” producers for permitting stalker Paula Goodspeed to continue to audition even after they learned of her delusional obsession with Paula. According to the L.A. Times
On the day of Goodspeed’s audition, “Idol” producers told Abdul they had found — and were about to bring in — a fan who was “crazy about” Paula. Abdul objected. “I said, ‘This girl is a stalker of mine. Please do not let her in.’ I was shaking.” The producers ignored her, saying that they wanted the “entertainment value.”
[After following her home after an audition], Goodspeed [began sending] naked pictures of herself to Abdul and threatened her with “bodily harm” in some letters. [Paula said], “She said the only way I will serve her purpose is when I’m up in heaven being her guardian angel.”
So why is Paula still on “American Idol”?
[She said], “Well, I’m under contract.”
You know, there’s biting the hand that feeds you, and there’s shitting in the hand that feeds you and then shoving that hand in its face and rubbing it all around while you fire off a couple of shotgun blasts in your own foot. But no matter! What really concerns me here is that Paula looks like some kind of bizarre amalgamation of Michigan J. Frog and Six from Blossom. “Hello, my baby! Hello, my darlin’! Hello, my ragtime gaaaaal!”
At the opening of Criss Angel’s “Believe” October 31st:
Video of Barbara Walters talking about the interview on “The View” after the jump.
By now you know that the body of former “American Idol” contestant Paula Goodspeed was discovered in a car Tuesday night in front of Paula Abdul’s Los Angeles home. To recap:
The 30-year-old “extreme fan” auditioned for Season 5 of the hit show in 2006.
Godspeed [had a] longtime obsession with Abdul. She is believed to have died from a drug overdose in… an apparent suicide.
Curiously, this wasn’t the first time Paula Godspeed attempted to kill herself in front of Paula Abdul’s home. Practice makes perfect, I guess. TMZ says
Paula Goodspeed overdosed in the exact same area around one year ago. Cops were called to Paula Abdul’s house — either late last year or early this year — and found Goodspeed inside her car, unconscious from a drug overdose.
Sources say Goodspeed suffered from “extreme mental illness” that spun out of control in the last two years.
This must be so bizarre for Paula Abdul. It’d be like looking in a mirror and seeing what you could have become were it not for undeserved fame and fortune — delusional, dressed like a gypsy, the butt of countless jokes. It’s like if Dorian Gray and the Ghost of Christmas Future had a baby, and then beat the baby and gave it to the schizophrenic sewer penguins to raise. Paula Abdul — this could have been your life!
Taylor Hicks. Ruben Studdard. Fantasia Barrino. All American Idol winners, and all has-beens. So why would Kellie Pickler, who was in sixth place when she got booted off American Idol, and dumber than a pile of rocks, still be showing up in the news? Well, I think it might have something to do with two things, one rhymes with wand, the other with sits. Those two things, my dear friends, cover a multitude of sins. I think it says so in the Bible.
Exhibit B, from Kellie’s myspace page.
