Today is turning out to be dumb and boring, and I was going to turn this lull into an opportunity to discuss the vital importance of flossing because you really can’t put a price on a healthy smile and OH LOOK BOOBIES!

I don’t really know who the hell this lady is.  Her name is Elisa Benitez and apparently she’s the Mexican Tyra Banks.  I’d like to think that means she runs around shrieking about how she was rooting for you, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU, and then she shows you her fierce walk where she almost breaks her nose with her own kneecap, and then Miss Jay tells us we better work it like it’s for sale and the rent is due tonight, and then an insane blonde girl pees in an adult diaper and falls into a houseplant… and I kind of forgot where I was going with this.

You know that feeling you get when you’re walking past a crazy hobo who’s spouting gibberish? That sort of panicked, where do I look oh God he’s making eye contact feeling? Well, now you can suffer through that feeling without the inconvenience of being outdoors, courtesy of America’s Next Top Model. Tyra Banks stars as princess Snow White, complete with poison apples, gay Prince Charming and “the Good Fierce Witch” as she introduces the makeover segment of the show (around the 3:30 mark). It’s as fucking insane as it sounds. All that’s missing is the stench of urine and Wild Irish Rose and maybe a shopping cart full of aluminum cans.

Post-makeover swimsuit shoot: