Who better to open an amusement park called “Happyland” than Joe Jackson? Because you know, it’s not like he helped to royally fuck up his own family’s happiness and mental well-being. Tickets, anyone? Says Digital Spy,

Michael Jackson’s father Joe has reportedly invested in Vietnam’s ‘Happyland’ resort and amusement park.

According to VietnamNet, Jackson attended ceremonies to mark the beginning of construction on the $2 billion (£1.24bn) theme park, which is based in the country’s Long An province.

Plans reveal that the the entertainment complex will be centrally located in close proximity to Vietnam’s largest town Ho Chi Minh City, which is already host to the Suoi Tien Amusement Park.

Joe suggested that he became involved in the development of ‘Happyland’ because he enjoys exploring communities around the globe.

“I like discovering different cultures in the world,” he said. “There are many favourable conditions for investing in Vietnam. I like this project the most because it is located in a beautiful cultural and natural space.”

‘Happyland’ is to include a 1,000 room hotel, simulated cities and several restaurants.

The park is being constructed to accommodate as many as 14 million guests annually and is expected to open in 2014.

I’m assuming that inside of “Happyland” there will be nail salons (Happy Nails!) and “massage parlors” and rides powered by little orphans pedaling away on stationary bikes, and making souvenirs in in-house sweatshops. And let’s not forget the game booths, where if you can shoot a live dog, you get it barbecued right there for you! Because nothing says “family fun” than a communist third world country with rampant abuse of basic human rights. That’s really catchy. I hope I can get it on a T-shirt.

It’s official: Michael Jackson’s family is turning Neverland Ranch into a public amusement park, probably because they couldn’t legally charge people to sniff the air over his grave. The New York Post says

The King of Pop’s loved ones could open Neverland to the public as early as Christmas, under an ambitious timeline set by its owners, private equity firm Colony Capital, and brother Jermaine Jackson.

The family and developers have even agreed to consider various names to call and trademark the sprawling 2,676-acre estate.

In addition to the roller coaster and ferris wheel that are already in place, look for new attractions like the Touch-Me-Go-Round — feel like a kid again as you ride in plaster replica’s of Michael’s lap! — and the Joe Jackson’s Wack-a-Jack — club those Jacksons sterile as they pop out of the hole. Bonus points if you hit Tito!

Family-sanctioned and eerily realistic Thriller doll:

PHOTO SOURCE: Splash News