Didn’t think Amy Winehouse could get any more disgusting than she already is? Apparently, you don’t know Amy Winehouse very well. Showbiz Spy says
Amy’s persistent drug use has left the troubled star’s nose so “weak” she is concerned that it’s about to fall off. “Amy knows that her nose is next to fall apart — she admitted to me that it feels weak at the bone,” a source tells Fox News columnist Neil Sean. Amy herself has addressed the issue, [saying] “Yeah, it’s a problem, but it’s my problem so leave it”.
To reiterate, that’s Amy Winehouse with the same rotten teeth, the same pustuled skin and the same ratty hair, only now with a floppy wad of collapsed cartilage where her nose used to be. Picture a hollowed-out ballsack dangling right in the middle of her big ugly mug. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go change my panties now. A girl can only take so much sexiness in one post, you know!
Amy Winehouse is staring down another arrest after punching a dancer at the $1400-a-ticket End Of Summer Ball in London last week. Police fear that she may, in fact, be rabid at this point, and the only way to make it stop is to let her have it Old Yeller-style. The Sun reports
Sherene Flash, 30, said junkie Amy punched her in the eye after she asked to take the star’s picture. Amy then ran off, crying out: “Life can’t go on. I can’t do this any more.”
A pal said: “Sherene asked Amy if she could take a photo. Amy was OK at first, but when Sherene asked if a friend could get in the shot, Amy lashed out.”
A source said: “[Amy] was getting distressed. There was a lot of grabbing and flashbulbs were going off. She was startled.”
Amy is also alleged to have struck the official photographer for Thursday night’s event.
Remember those “this is your brain on drugs” commercials they used to run back in the nineties? The ones with the egg frying in the cast-iron skillet? I imagine Amy’s brain is kinda like that. Only add a couple of shots of the egg being worked over a cheese grater and pounded with a croquet mallet and fed to angry bear by a midget in top hat on a unicycle. Any questions?
Amy Winehouse decided to add her own personal style to borrowed designer clothes–she returned them with puke! The Mirror reports,
[Amy Winehouse has] landed herself with a massive £25,000 bill after borrowing posh designer frocks – and returning them with her own unique calling card… splattered with vomit.
Even worse, when the Back To Black singer finally returned the puke-stained outfits, her little deposits had green, furry mould growing on them.
Unsurprisingly, 25-year-old Amy has now been blacklisted by furious fashion PRs and shouldn’t expect any loans or freebies for a while.
Our insider reveals: “Harvey Nichols loaned Amy £25k’s worth of silk and satin dresses.
“Unfortunately, while wearing one of the frocks, she went on an all-night bender.
“She ended up in the loos, where she was violently sick. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.”
Amy would have made a perfect Garbage Pail Kid. Remember those? They were trading cards that had the “grody” version of the Cabbage Patch Kids. There was Nasty Nick, Ray Decay, Adam Bomb, and oh yeah, Up Chuck. It’s like it was meant to be!
The binding force behind Amy Winehouse’s and Blake Fielder-Civil’s impassioned relationship has finally been revealed, and it smells like ball sweat and dick cheese. The Sun says
The troubled singer posted the snap – in which Blake exposes his manhood by pulling down his boxers – on her Facebook profile.ANYONE wondering what AMY WINEHOUSE could possibly still see in convicted criminal and druggie hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL should take a look at the uncensored version of this picture.
Ah, it all makes sense now! Blake’s penis must be made entirely of bricked heroin. Gives a whole new meaning to the term “mount the horse,” doesn’t it? And they say romance is dead!
Amy Winehouse has apparently been living in some fantasyland where drugs make you pretty and healthy. She just realized what any organism with half a funtioning eyeball knows–she’s hideous! Thank you, Captain Obvious! The Sun reports,
Amy Winehouse refused to go to her own birthday party after realising how drugs have ravaged her looks and ranting: “I look “f***ing ugly”.
The Grammy award-winning singer had a furious row with best pal REMI NICOLE as she desperately tried to convince her to attend her own 25th bash. A pal said: “Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked. Unfortunately her lifestyle has had a major affect on her appearance and it’s only just started to sink in. She kept saying she was ugly and was in an awful state. They couldn’t get her out. Remi had organised the night and made a huge effort. They had a huge row. Amy can be very selfish — there was no convincing her and she ruined the night for everyone, including herself.”
First of all–she’s only 25??? I’m pretty sure she forged her birth certificate because DAY-UM. She looks like one of the residents at a nursing home, you know, the one who dyes her hair black and wears so much makeup you’d need a chisel and steel wool to exfoliate, who chain smokes and sings show tunes and smells like pee. Welcome to reality, Amy. It’s a snaggle-toothed bitch, ain’t it?
Remember how ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius once said, “Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it?” Well, he was totally fucking lying. The only way Amy Winehouse could be any more disgusting is if she were sculpted from maggots and leprous boil puss.
Amy Winehouse stayed true to form last weekend, getting so fucked up after a festival gig that she had to be hauled out of her hotel room wrapped in a duvet. According to The Sun
The star, 24 — who binged until 5am after ordering 48 bottles of whiskey for her gig — was wrapped up in the duvet and carried away on a minder’s shoulder after being booted out by hotel bosses.
Amy’s entire entourage were barred from the Wellington Hotel for destroying her room and shouting at staff and guests. The hotel said they caused [$10,000] of damage, burning furniture with cigarette butts and covering carpets with booze.
You could blindfold a baboon with flame-thrower and hand it a paint gun and it still wouldn’t do as much damage to a hotel room as Amy Winehouse drunk. Give it time, though. I’m sure Amy will figure out the power you can wield when throwing your own feces. I know I sure have!
Amy Winehouse’s little “adverse reaction to medication” back in July has been exposed as — wait for it — another drug overdose. You didn’t see that one comin’, did you? Only this one might have been the final straw for Amy’s over-taxed cerebrum. A close pal of Amy’s told The Sun
“She had smoked an inhuman amount of hash which resulted in acute cannabis poisoning [vomiting uncontrollably and hallucinating]. You have to take a [shitload] of pot to suffer that severe a reaction. It’s thought she had been smoking it for 36 hours. Amy’s fits were as bad as the convulsions she had during her overdose in August last year. No one has mentioned her meth use before – but that stuff is truly nasty.”
Medics are worried Amy’s brain was damaged by the cannabis overdose – she displayed symptoms normally associated with schizophrenia.
First of all, hash doesn’t cause epileptic fits and seizures. Epilepsy does. Secondly, you couldn’t smoke enough hash to “poison” yourself in one night. Meth, yes; hashish, no. Hell, you couldn’t eat enough hashish to poison yourself in one night. In fact, I had a brick of hashish for breakfast, and I’ve never been better. I start every day with a little of the Black Gold. Sometimes I sprinkle a little over my granola; I might fold it into an omelet with capers and a side of lox, or just dig in with a spoon and eat it straight, but one thing’s for damn sure — I have no idea where I was going with this. Remembering is hard!
In news that’s sure to shock and dismay you, new footage of singer Amy Winehouse snorting illegal drugs surfaced over the weekend. I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself. Breathing into a paper bag sometimes helps. The News of the World states
The troubled Back to Black star was secretly filmed hoovering up the Class A drug in a packed London pub… in Camden last month while standing in front of a Union Jack flag. Desperate for a fix, the singer is seen snorting the cocaine off a CD case in full view of partygoers.
In other equally shocking news, the Earth is round and Zac Efron is gayer than rainbow Christmas. Further bulletins as events warrant!
Amy Winehouse and husband Blake Fielder-Civil are finally going to be together again. Granted, he’ll still be in prison and she’ll be in rehab, but they’ll still be in the same town, so close enough. Reunited and it feels so good! The Sun says
The Back to Black singer has booked into a clinic in a country town only a short drive from the jail where Blake Fielder-Civil is being held.
Amy will have treatment at the “small and friendly” Focus 12 Clinic in Suffolk, where funnyman Russell Brand beat his own demons. The centre is just 15 miles from Highpoint Prison, near Newmarket, where junkie Blake was sent earlier this month.
The clinic plan follows Amy’s shambolic performances at the weekend’s V Festiva..
Years of marital counseling has taught me that nothing benefits a relationship like separate jail and rehab stints. Except maybe years of gradual arsenic poisoning, a flight of cement stairs and a $500,000 life insurance policy with an accidental death benefit rider. Call me, boys!
Amy Winehouse was out in London last night and, according to the Sun UK, beat up on some lady who was trying to help her stumbling, drunk ass:
The troubled singer was out and about in Camden when a passer-by grabbed her, seemingly concerned for her health.
But Amy lashed out at the middle-aged woman – giving her a hard slap and screaming: “Let f***ing go of me, d***head.”
As she walked away, Amy carried on shouting at her victim, calling her a “f***ing bitch”.
Amy Winehouse is doing wonders for British tourism. Why, just the other day I was at the store and overheard two old ladies talking about how they wanted to spend all their retirement savings on a lavish overseas trip where they dump their lifetime’s worth of earnings into the economy of a foreign nation.
Mildred: I think we should go to London and spend lots of money there, Eunice.
Eunice: But Mildred, that’s where that Amy Winehouse lives! My Medicare doesn’t cover stab wounds from used needles and staph infections from the bites of rabid singers!
Mildred: Oh, all right. Let’s just go to Italy like everyone else.
I wonder if Amy Winehouse will have to literally shank a geriatric in a wheelchair and then try to snort one of their eyeballs before someone finally has the sense to send her to prison?
Ice cream giants Ben & Jerry’s will not be dedicating an ice cream flavor to singer Amy Winehouse. Digital Spy says
The ice cream makers currently produce flavors named after musician Jerry Garcia and the Vermont band Phish [and] a limited edition ice cream in tribute to Elton John called Goodbye Yellow Brickle. Founder Jerry Greenfield told Heat: “I’m not sure that Amy has the proper image that Ben and Jerry’s wants to be connected with.”
So I guess this means no Moose Track Marks or Crunky Junky on supermarket shelves. Too bad. But you can still add old syringes, cigarette butts and scabs to a scoop of vanilla for that authentic Winehouse flavor!
