Angelina Jolie sat down with Vanity Fair to discuss her directorial and screenwriting debut “In the Land of Blood and Honey,” the tale of a Bosnian refugee who falls in love with her captor. Us Magazine says:

The star feverishly wrote the script for the Bosnian War romance while feeling under the weather.

“I had the flu. I had to be quarantined from the children for two days. I was in the attic of a house in France. I was isolated, pacing. I don’t watch TV and I wasn’t reading anything. So I started writing. I went from the beginning to the end. I didn’t know any other way.”

She got the thumbs up on her screenplay from [partner Brad] Pitt himself. “He called and said, ‘You know, honey, it’s not that bad.’”

And her man remained “so supportive” throughout the project, she gushes. “He’d come in and say what he liked or what he didn’t understand. Like any woman, I would listen to most of it and fight a few things…It’s hard to separate the person that loves you from the critic, so I don’t think he’s a fair judge.”

You know, as a writer, I did some of my best work when I had the flu last year, too. Once I downed a couple of bottles of Robotussin, I started seeing all kinds of crazy shit. My brain just exploded with creativity. Well, technically, the doctor said it was more of an “aneurysm,” and that everything I had written appeared to be in Sanskrit, but still. I think we can all agree it was still way more interesting than any of the shit I wrote today.

One more pic:

Angelina Jolie is here at the Cannes Film Festival promoting Kung Fu Panda 2, and although she is ridiculously beautiful, she is starting to really get that malnourished look to her. You know, where your hands and feet start looking too big for your arms and legs, which take on a twig-like appearance themselves. Combine that with the linear tattoos on her shoulder, and she’s like a poster child for putting a happy spin on an Auschwitz prisoner. Like, Hitler’s PR men told him, “You know, maybe people wouldn’t be so adverse to going to our camps if we took a really beautiful prisoner, dressed her up, and handed her over to a really good makeup artist, and then took pictures of her waving and looking happy, and put her on a poster that said, “Hitler’s Concentration Camps–Where Beautiful People Are Happy”–or something like that”. But we all know there’s nothing funny about concentration camps, so now that I was trying to make a joke about it, you can all hate me now.

Angelina Jolie was photographed on a humanitarian mission at the Tunisian-Libyan border with a new coordinate tattooed on her left arm beneath the coordinates of her kids’ birthplaces, leading to speculation that she was about to add another urchin to her Benetton brood. The Daily Mail says:

The 35-year-old now has a seventh line of co-ordinates signifying the birthplaces of her six children.

While the full co-ordinates cannot be made out in the photo, the new inking has led to all manner of speculation – raising the question whether The Tourist star has another adoption in the process.

However, other reports suggest the numerics refer to the latitude and longitude of her partner Brad Pitt’s birth place, Oklahoma.

It’s probably just the coordinates of the exact location where she hacked off Brad Pitt’s balls and beat him within an inch of his life with his own spine. A tattoo is a lot more tasteful than turning his testicles and backbone into a necklace.

The entire Brangelina brood was out in full force over the weekend in New Orleans, where Brad is currently shooting his new movie “Cogan’s Trade.” It didn’t say, but I assume from the pics that it’s a film about the plight of a family denied shampoo and access to a barber’s shears.

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

People, you got it all wrong. Jennifer Aniston doesn’t hate Angelina Jolie! She moved on from that years ago! She’s totally happy and those pictures of her plastered all over her wall with devil horns and beards drawn in with Sharpies are just for shits and giggles! Digital Spy says,

According to Life & Style, the former Friends actress was asked by blogger Perez Hilton to discuss her true feelings about Jolie, who was allegedly behind her split with ex-husband Brad Pitt.

Hilton told the publication that Aniston was adamant about having moved on from the incident and holds no ill will towards Jolie or Pitt.

“Jen said, ‘Look, that was so long ago, and we’ve moved on and we’re all adults’,” Hilton explained.

“I believe what she has to say. I think she really has moved on.”

He also revealed that Aniston still has an active romantic life, adding: “She told me that she dates a lot. [She] just makes sure not to go anywhere public.”

Hilton claims that Aniston made the comments when the pair had a chance encounter in a parking garage.

Never mind that after spending a Thanksgiving weekend holed up with BFF Jennifer, Chelsea Handler just happened to want to call Angelina a home-wrecking cunt on her show. I’m positive that Jen had nothing to do with it. Nope. She’s totally moved on.

At the NY premiere of Just Go With It with Adam Sandler:

I’m glad to see Dorothy Zbornak’s memory will live on through Angelina Jolie. The red carpet was sorely lacking in early eighties lounge singer wear until she showed up on the scene.

MILDLY DISTURBING EDITOR’S NOTE: This the first image that comes up when you google Bea Arthur, but remember: that which is seen cannot be un-seen. Whoever is responsible for that atrocity should be beaten repeatedly with a polyester pantsuit.

More after the jump:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

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I don’t know what in the Monster High™ hell Angelina Jolie was wearing at the German premiere of The Tourist last night, but with the right combat boots and a touch of black lipstick, she could be the new face of Morticia Adams’ evening wear line at Hot Topic. Or possibly a super villain named “Black Velvet.”

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

Angelina Jolie and her baby daddy Brad Pitt were all kissy-kissy goo-goo at the red carpet premiere of her new movie “The Tourist” in New York last night, but behind their lovesick simpers and besotted pie-eyes, was something secretly amiss? Fame Pictures says:

Angelina avoided all of the media outlets on her way in, only stopping for the photographers, [presumably] to avoid questions about Chelsea Handlers’ recent remarks about her.

Oh, yes. I almost forgot. Some leathery old bat with a stand-up act called her a cunt yesterday. I just hope being hailed as the most beautiful woman in the world and making love to the two-time winner of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive offered Angelina the tiniest bit of solace as she walked down the red carpet at her blockbuster movie premiere. We can’t all have late-night cable shows and cirrhosis and bitter spinster friends. Some people are just born lucky, I guess!

With Brad on the red carpet (more pics after the jump):

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Jennifer Aniston has found a new BFF in “Chelsea Lately” host Chelsea Handler (they spent Thanksgiving together in Cabo), which might explain the dog-cussing Chelsea gave Angelina Jolie during her standup show in Jersey this weekend. The Daily Mail says:

The comedian launched a foul-mouthed tirade against Brad Pitt’s partner during a stand-up show.

‘She’s a homewrecker, she is,’ the 35-year-old said.

‘She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants to,’ she said of the actress, who has three adopted children. ‘You’re a fucking bitch!’

‘She gives interviews, “I don’t have a lot of female friends.” You don’t have a lot of female friends because you’re a fucking cunt.”

Or just maybe Angelina doesn’t have a lot of female friends because most females are catty and vindictive and need constant emotional coddling and attention. Or maybe it’s because most females are inherently threatened by anyone they perceive to be more attractive than they are and secretly try to sabotage them at every turn. It’s the same reason you wouldn’t befriend Benito Mussolini or the Taliban.

Jennifer in NYC for her new movie with Paul Rudd:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

There have been rumors going around for a while now that Angelina Jolie is suffering from anorexia, but I don’t believe it. I know for a fact she eats. Albeit mostly human brains and the occasional clump of dirt that winds up in her mouth when she’s clawing her way out of a grave, but still. Calories are calories, am I right?

In Paris yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

I don’t know why Angelina Jolie would ever put on a velour pantsuit, much less wear it on the red carpet at a premiere. It makes about as much sense as those leather pants Brad Pitt’s wearing. Unless Hillary Clinton and the frontman from Winger are holding their kids at gunpoint, they’ve got no excuse whatsoever.

At the Megamind premiere in Paris yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Angelina Jolie really opens up about her children and her relationship with live-in baby daddy Brad Pitt in the December issue of Vogue Magazine — including her biological daughter’s penchant for collecting dead animals. Us Magazine says:

[Jolie says] four-year-old Shiloh recently discovered a dead bird.

“She came in and said, ‘Can I have a dead pet?’” Jolie recalls. “And I’m… ‘Uh-uh, I don’t think it’s healthy, honey. I think they have to put him in a box,’ and I had to run out to find, like, a taxidermy bird. I just worked it out for her.”

Jolie said Shiloh is “hilarious.”

I agree. Wanting to keep dead animals as pets is 100% hilarious. Not weird or creepy at all. In a less disturbing revelation, Angelina says:

“Pax is a better cook than me. But I try to [cook] when I can. But the kids are very sweet… so enthusiastic anytime I cook. I cooked them all breakfast before school this morning, and [Maddox] has that kind of ‘Thanks, Mom! Good job!’”

But Angelina claims she never intended on amassing a child army. She adds:

“I only planned for two! It’s one of those things. You have to know what you’re capable of handling and how your children will relate to each other. Maybe if you have one child and that child has a lot of needs, you realize you cannot give more attention to another. Sometimes you just know as a parent. We felt we could handle more children, and we have a very happy, very full home.”

“We take turns working. One of us is always at home with the kids — always. Taking them out to things and being there with them and bringing them to school or to the set to visit Mommy or Daddy.”

And finally, of her relationship with Brad, she says:

“Brad is extremely handsome and sexy. When I think about him, I just think of the man who’s such a great friend and such an extraordinary father. And that’s when I fall, you know, when I have my moments of getting — whoarr! — caught up in how much I love him… it’s usually when I see him with the children.”

So, anyway, back to the dead bird story. I had these two guinea pigs when I was a kid named Frick and Frack. And one morning I woke up and Frick had eaten Frack during the night. True fuckin’ story. All that was left were some bones and a couple of tufts of fur. Pretty disturbing for a little kid, right? So anyway, I tied a shoestring around Frick’s neck and hung him from the ceiling fan to punish him for his sins. That’s about the same time my parents hid all the knives in the house and started sleeping with their bedroom door locked.