Olivier Martinez confirmed speculations over the weekend that he and Halle Berry are indeed engaged. If I were him, I’d be strutting around, making pointing motions at myself and saying, “Oh yeah, uh-huh, look at me and my bad self!” But that’s just me. Says Digital Spy,

Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez Halle Berry honored at the Silver Rose awards gala with Grey Goose Los Angeles

Olivier Martinez has confirmed that he is engaged to Halle Berry.

The actors have been the subject of much speculation over their relationship status, ever since Berry was spotted wearing an emerald and diamond ring on her ring finger in January.

However, the Frenchman has ended speculation by telling The Miami Herald the good news.

While promoting his new South Beach restaurant Villa Azur, he told a reporter: “Yes, of course it’s true.”

Berry’s ring was designed by Robert Mazlo of Paris, who Martinez called “a real artist” who has been making jewelry for “kings and queens for many centuries”.

I would wish Halle many years of martial bliss, but seeing as he’s French I don’t really see that happening. I think French and asshole are kind of matter of national pride. I’m pretty sure they sing about it somewhere in the “La Marseillaise”. I wouldn’t know for sure, of course. I don’t speak pig.

Photo source: Fame Pictures

Jessica Simpson finally owned up to the single worst-kept secret in Hollywood since John Travolta’s hairpiece, tweeting this morning:

It’s True! I am going to be a mummy!

She’s gonna be a mummy. So the baby bump has been explained. What has NOT been explained, however, is why the announcement was accompanied by photos of Dee Snider dressed the Michelin Man if the Michelin Man were homosexual and trapped in Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” phase. I’m afraid that one will forever remain a mystery.

Jessica Simpson got the wind taken out of her sails once again when her ex-boyfriend Tony Romo revealed yesterday that wife Candice Crawford was pregnant with his child. Jessica, you’ll remember, has thus far refused to address the pregnancy rumors in the hopes that there’s still a big fat tabloid paycheck with her name on it. Doubtful. Us Magazine says:

“I actually have [a baby] on the way,” NFL star [Tony Romo] said during an anti-drug rally at Cedar Hill High School on Tuesday. “My wife is pregnant.”

Romo, 31, began dating Chace Crawford’s 24-year-old sister shortly after his breakup with Simpson, 30. Engaged since December 2010, the pair said “I Do” the following May.

Not only did Tony beat her to the alter, and he beat her to punch on the baby announcement, too. That has to hurt. In times like these, there are only three words that could possibly make Jessica Simpson feel any better. And those three words are “triple bacon cheese.”

Shopping for baby stuff yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

After weeks of rumors about the sex of the bun in Victoria Beckham’s micro-sized oven, you can now stop losing sleep over the truth. David Beckham announced over the weekend that they’ll be evening out the boy/girl score a bit. Says Mail Online,

David Beckham confirmed at an LA Galaxy luncheon yesterday afternoon the news that wife Victoria is expecting their first daughter.
‘Obviously, we’re very lucky to be expecting again, and this is the first time I’m going to say it: It’s a little girl,’ the Galaxy midfielder said.
‘We’re still in shock. Obviously, having three boys, you kind of expect another one, so finding out a little girl is in there is surprising, but, obviously, we are over the moon.’

Speaking at the team’s annual fan luncheon in ESPN Zone at L.A. Live, he added: ‘Our three boys are happy and excited, and Victoria is doing well.’

I can’t help to feel a bit sorry for the new Beckham girl. She’ll probably be on a diet from the day she’s born to get rid of that unattractive baby fat, and be monitored to make sure her butt doesn’t look unnecessarily big in her designer diapers. But there’s an upside–in a few short years, she and Victoria will be able to share clothes!

At Heathrow Airport in London:

Victoria Beckham announced over the weekend that she is knocked up again. The funny thing is, you can already see the bulge the little tadpole is making in her negative-zero waistline. Okay, maybe not, but you believed me for a second, right? Digital Spy says,

Victoria Beckham has thanked fans for their congratulatory messages following the weekend announcement that she is pregnant.

A spokesperson for the fashion designer and husband David confirmed on Sunday that they will welcome their fourth child together over the summer.

“Thank u so much for your kind and beautiful messages!!! We are all so happy and very excited!!!!! (sic)” she wrote on her Twitter account this morning.

David also spoke of his excitement at becoming a father again in a message posted on his Facebook page, describing the pregnancy as “great news” and saying that the pair’s three sons – Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz – are “very excited”.

Congratulations to the Beckhams on their upcoming bundle of overprivileged joy, hope that silver spoon tastes great, blah blah blah, snore.

Overjoyed at LAX:

After months of speculation, 40-year old Mariah Carey finally confirmed that she’s pregnant with her first child with husband Nick Cannon. Radar Online says:

In a story airing on NBC’s The Today Show, Carey told Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush: “Yes, we are pregnant.”

The Hero singer said she’s expecting in the spring, but wouldn’t give any further details.

Carey also revealed that she had been pregnant before – a few years ago – but had suffered a miscarriage.

“It kind of shook us both and took us into a place that was really dark and difficult,” Carey told Bush about the miscarriage. “When that happened… I wasn’t able to even talk to anybody about it. That was not easy.”

Oh, great. She had a miscarriage? How am I supposed to make a fat joke now? It’d be like pantsing a blind kid. And it took me a good two days before I could even laugh about that. Way to ruin the joke for everybody, Mariah.

Mariah Carey and her bulging Valentino dress intimated that she might be pregnant during an interview at last night’s Academy Awards. The Daily Mail says

To the glitz and glamour of the Oscars red carpet last night, Mariah Carey added a touch of intrigue by hinting that she was pregnant.

Looking radiant, the 39-year-old told reporters that ‘something special’ was about to happen but refused to elaborate further.

We don’t necessarily know that she’s referring to a pregnancy here. That “something special” that’s “about to happen” could just be that an entire triple-layer cheesecake is about to drop into her lower intestine, giving her enough room to down another couple of plates at the Oscar buffet. I don’t want to go putting words in her mouth here. Mostly because she would probably try and eat them.

With husband Jack Sprat Nick Cannon on the red carpet:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

Oprah Winfrey is expected to announce on her show today that The Oprah Winfrey Show will cease production in 2011. That sound you hear is the collective wail of middle-aged housewives everywhere sobbing into a Rocky-Road-stained copy of “East of Eden.” The president of Harpo Production said in a statement

“Tomorrow, Oprah will announce live on The Oprah Winfrey Show that she has decided to end what is arguably one of the most popular, influential and enduring programs in television history. The sun will set on the Oprah show as its 25th season draws to a close on September 9, 2011.”

Well, there’s still her network, her magazines, her books, her radio show, her production company, her film company, and her school. I think we’ll somehow manage to find a way to cope in her absence.

UPDATE: Now with weepy video action!

Sarah Jessica Parker’s surrogate reportedly gave birth to twin girls today. According to TMZ

The babies were born this morning at the East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry, according to [local radio station] WTRF.

The station is reporting Matthew and Sarah are currently at the hospital with the surrogate, and will make an announcement about the newborns later this afternoon.

I don’t know a lot about animal husbandry, but I do know that horses usually only give birth to one foal at a time, and in the rare case that there are two fetuses, one of them usually doesn’t survive the birthing process. Good thing Sarah Jessica didn’t try to carry the twins to term herself! That could have been a disaster.

UPDATE: People Magazine is reporting that they named the twins Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick. I guess “Future Dyke” and “Fatty-to-Be” were already taken.

SJP, or Madonna/Macbeth witch hybrid?:

Jon and Kate Gosselin announced on their hit TLC reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ yesterday that they are “separating.” Didn’t see that one coming, did ya? Us Weekly says

“Kate and I have decided to separate,” Jon announced, calling Monday’s episode his “hardest” show ever. “It’s just not good for us to be arguing in front of our kids.”

Jon said he doesn’t know if he’ll remain on the show.

But Kate said, “The show must go on. I will continue to be here, be with the kids, do the same things I’ve always done with them.”

Let me get this straight here… you’re saying that inviting a camera crew and a legion of television producers into your home is NOT good for your marriage? Jesus H. Christ! What, I suppose “including the neighbors in group sex sessions” and “beating your significant other with a shoe horn” aren’t good for family cohesiveness, either? My God. It’s like I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

“Jon & Kate Plus 8′s” Jon and Kate Gosselin have informed the public that they will be announcing a “life-changing decision” on the June 22nd episode of their show. MSNBC says

Many assume the couple will announce they’re getting a divorce. A source close to the situation says that Kate recently met with a divorce lawyer and Jon will file papers next week.

According to other sources who know the couple, [it's only a trial separation]. “They’ve met with a lawyer, but divorce is not a definite,” says the source. “Right now, it’s in the best interest to them — and let’s be honest, the show — to ride out a separation.”

No one likes to hear the words “life-changing decision,” but really, it could mean so many different things. I know the time mom and dad sat me down and told me my life was about to change, it had nothing to do with divorce. It was more of a “Dad’s decided he’s going to live the rest of his life as a woman” kind of thing. I guess we’ll just have to wait until Monday and see.