Katie Holmes sported the world’s most unflattering pair of denim shorts on the set of her new straight-to-DVD movie “The Romantics.” Really, I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a severe case of White Man’s Ass. It looks like her buttocks were pounded out using the broad side of a snow shovel.

With “True Blood’s” Anna Paquin yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Sheesh, Miranda Kerr has gotten awfully bony lately! Her new, skinnier figure might be due to an attempt to get into the world of avant garde modeling. Says Daily Mail,

The former Maybelline model - the world’s tenth highest earning model - has been much in demand for the lingerie brand, and for swimwear shoots for magazines such as Sports Illustrated.

But the 26-year-old Australian cut a distinctly emaciated on a fashion shoot for magazine Grazia in Sydney.

From the back she looked virtually unrecognisable as she posed in a tightly laced corset on the rooftop of the Museum of Contemporary Art.

Miranda’s ribs protruded, and her skin was tightly stretched across her bony back. Her thin arms also looked extremely sinewy.

The reason for the Australian’s sudden weight loss is not exactly hard to fathom.

It seems her ambitions to do high fashion modelling were realised earlier this month she made an appearance on the catwalk for Balenciaga, the fashion world’s coolest label right now.
miranda kerr

The model’s girl next door look was erased and she was unrecognisable in straightened slicked back hair and heavy catwalk eye make up.

In case you don’t remember, this is what she used to look like. My daddy always said that wasting curves on a woman was criminal–which I suppose is why he’s in the county jail for being a pimp.

Don’t make fun of skinny girl Victoria Beckham! She might attack you with her Clavicle of Doom! Says Now Magazine:

Victoria Beckham is tired of people criticising her about her weight.

The former Spice Girl insists she’s not concerned about her small frame.

‘Of course I eat,’ she says. ‘I’ve been accused of not eating for 10 years. If I hadn’t eaten for 10 years, I’d be hungry…

‘I think there’s a big difference between someone having an eating disorder and someone who is controlled about what they eat.

‘I think I could do with putting on some weight but this is the way I am.’

Victoria admits she finds the jibes distressing.

‘I’m not anorexic or bulimic and I’m not a skeleton,’ she protests. ‘It’s so upsetting. I’m seven and a half stone. I’m very fit and healthy and I feel great.

‘I haven’t changed what I eat. I just feel my metabolism has changed as I’ve got older.’

“If I hadn’t eaten for 10 years, I’d be hungry…”? No, actually, you’d kind of be dead, Einstein. Of course you eat something. I bet she really chows down on some high-calorie watercress sandwiches, (hold the butter, cream cheese and bread). I bet she eats enough to sustain a 3 year-old Ethiopian. Nowadays, she could probably eat circles around Michael Jackson. Madam, you make me ill with your unbridled gluttony. I bid you good day!

When did Renee Zellweger get so fat? I mean, you can’t even see the separation between the ulna and the radius in her forearms. Gross. Time to get your fatass on a treadmill and an enema in your pooper, NeNe! Those pounds aren’t going to just magically disappear on their own, you know!

Arriving to Good Morning America yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Meet little Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay lives in a small North American village known as “Los Angeles,” estranged from her twice-incarcerated alcoholic father and small-time child pimp mother. She is just one of the hundreds of celebrities waiting for a sponsor like you. For less than $600 a day, you can give her a chance to escape impending bankruptcy by providing her with some of life’s basic needs* — cocaine, semen, and imported vodka. Won’t you call today?

_{*No goats or chickens, please.}

Celebrating her birthday a week early in Vegas:

Tori Spelling has repeatedly denied that she suffers from an eating disorder, but it’s pretty apparent from these pictures that she’s a full-blown anorexic. For Chrissakes, look at her arms. Gross. I’ve seen starving horses pulled out of makeshift barns on “Animal Precinct” that didn’t look that disgusting.

Leaving Mr. Chow’s with husband Dean:

In even more pill-popping news, it’s being reported that Lindsay Lohan’s drastic weight loss comes courtesy of a prescription for the ADHD drug Adderall. According to Us Weekly

Lohan takes Adderall, a prescription drug usually given to people for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, to lose weight.

“She takes Adderall all the time,” one source told Us. “She gets jittery because of the way the pills affect her. It’s a major reason why she’s losing weight.”

And that’s not the only drug in her repertoire — sources say she’s still hooked on the white stuff. You know — the “throat candy.” “Man butter.” “Jizz.” Unfortunately, with semen’s current legal standing in the United States, it’s going to be damn near impossible to wean her off the stuff. Now we just wait for the inevitable moment when she asphyxiates taking two cocks at once and her addiction will tragically cum come full circle.

At the teen.com premiere of Haute and Bothered with sister Ali:

In case you’re wondering, Lindsay Lohan isn’t anorexic because she suffers from body issue distortion and weight issues; she’s anorexic because she wants you to feel sorry for her. Apparently being sorry she hasn’t killed herself yet doesn’t count. A friend of hers told People Magazine

“She is a self-destructive person. It’s all part of her cry for attention. She wants Sam [Ronson, her ex-girlfriend] to see how bad she’s hurting and she wants Hollywood to see her as a ‘tortured artist’ who is wasting away.”

Funny, I see less of a “tortured artist” and more of a “Hamburglar’s slutty little sister after a crippling bout of dysentery.” I guess it’s really all about perspective.

In Hawaii with sister Ali yesterday:

with her younger sister Ali and a few friends.

Remember how hot Czech model Eva Herzigova looked in her famous “Hello, Boys” Wonderbra campaign back in the day? Not so much the case now. It’s like the stand-in for that prostitute Charlize Theron played in “Monster” was implanted with a xylophone and left in the oven on “broil” for too long. I don’t know whether I want to offer her a couple of rocks for a little Greek action or just tap out “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on her sternum.

Vacationing with boyfriend Gregorio in the Caribbean:

Tom Cruise and wife Model #4773A Katie Holmes are in Brazil this week for the premiere of Tom’s movie Valkyrie, and I’m sure you noticed that there’s something different about them. Namely, that Tom looks like he was irradiated by the detonation of a gamma bomb and Katie looks like she should be hunched over a bowl of gruel with flies in the corners of her eyes. Must be something in the water.

At the premiere of Valkyrie:

Making love to Lindsay Lohan must be like trying to fuck a damn dogwood sapling. All spindly and limbs snapping off and bowing beneath your weight and poking you in the ribs every time you change positions. But you can’t use a dogwood’s spine to grate cheese or its hip bones to julienne potatoes and make some wicked good cheese fries, can you? Advantage: Lindsay Lohan.

Shopping with her Mom and sister Ali in SoHo over the weekend:

No, that’s not the corpse kdjf:krherga that Jack Nicholson finds in the tub in “The Shining” — it’s fashion designer mrt;dkfj Donatella Versace on holiday in St. Barts. The Daily Mail says

The 53-year-old’s… love of sunbathing has taken a heavy toll on her skin, which appears to be deeply wrinkled and loose on her emaciated frame. She has also desperately clung to her long platinum blonde hair despite it making her appear much older.

Please forgive me if there are kdfaj;kdj a couple of typos in this xcdj;joi post. I had no alternative but to gouge out my eyes with a pair of kitchen lksdjfja; scissors after seeing those pictures. And now to the Wild Turkey to kjeiwi gouge out my mind’s eye! Away!

Launching the new line of Versace Menswear at Barneys in New York: