Since there’s been so much vileness and whoriness on the site today, I thought I’d put up these pictures of Mila Kunis in next month’s GQ and the winter edition of Genlux Magazine, kind of as a palate cleanser of sorts. I thought it might be nice to look at something that doesn’t make it burn when you pee. Consider her your penicillin shot for the senses, but without any of the embarrassment of waiting in line at the free clinic.

Mila in GQ (thumbs 1 & 2); Mila in Genlux (the rest):

Tina Fey shows the world that being a funny, talented writer doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a hideous mole person. You can be smart and sexy at the same time. I should know; I’ve made a career out of it. Out of being a hideous mole person, I mean. You’ve probably already noticed that being “talented” and “attractive” aren’t exactly prerequisites for having your own gossip blog.

Former Victoria’s Secret supermodel Gisele Bundchen talks about her recent pregnancy and the experience of giving birth to baby Benjamin Rein Brady in next month’s issue of Vogue magazine. Us Weekly says

Benjamin — her son with husband Tom Brady — was born at their Boston penthouse last December, in warm water in a deep bathtub that overlooks the Charles River.

“I wanted to experience the transformation,” Bundchen, 29, explains. Through the birth, she says she meditated.

“It was the most amazing experience of my life, feeling him come through my body,” she says. “I never felt so empowered!”

During her pregnancy, she says she “gained only 30 pounds” and… exercised regularly right up until she gave birth.

Bundchen also says she was “mindful” about what she ate.

Says the model: “I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals.”

Well, that’s just beautiful, isn’t it? Perfect pregnancy, perfect delivery, perfect post-baby bod. It must be nice being a supermodel. In real life, when you have babies, you gain 85 pounds, crap yourself on the delivery table, and get enough stretch marks around your midsection to double as a relief map of the Mississippi River Delta Basin. But nobody at Vogue ever wants to write an article about that.

Amanda Seyfried looks smokin hot in these pictures, so it’s a real shame they’re going to be wasted inside next month’s Esquire. The only people who read that magazine are men who know the difference between “celadon” and “chartreuse” and can rattle off every album Abba ever made in chronological order. So Catholic priests, then. I thought that was pretty obvious.

Jennifer Aniston and her “The Bounty Hunter” co-star Gerard Butler did a sweaty desert shoot for next month’s W Magazine, and from what I can tell, Jennifer is supposed to be the prostitute and Gerard the john in the pictorial. Like in this picture, where she’s counting the cash, and then this one, where she’s being hauled away by the cops. In real life, Jennifer would never waste valuable time counting money. She’d be too busy scouring the seats for any residual semen that she could scrape into a test tube and take to a lab. I guess the photographers at W Magazine were going for a tongue-in-cheek kinda thing.

Country singer Taylor Swift sports an edgier, flat-ironed ‘do in next month’s issue of Elle magazine. I have to say, it’s a real improvement. I had no idea how much better going straight would be. Which, incidentally, are eleven words you’ll never hear come out of Matthew Broderick’s mouth in succession. Not without him dissolving into a fit of giggles and a lot of frantic hand-flapping, anyway.

Megan Fox might have done everything humanly possibly to be perceived as a sex symbol, but she insists in the April issue of Harper’s Bazaar that she’s not actually a dirty slut . The NY Daily News says

The “Transformers” star opened up to the U.K. edition of Harper’s Bazaar, revealing that she has only slept with two men – her current boyfriend, former “Beverly Hills, 90210″ star Brian Austin Green, and her “childhood sweetheart.”

“I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever,” she reveals. “The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.”

Well, I took it upon myself to write a user-friendly guide for determining the current market value on your puss, because surprisingly, no one had yet invented that. I call the “Abby Blue Book,” very reminiscent of the automotive industry’s Kelley Blue Book, only instead of mileage and condition of your car, we’re talking number of wieners you played pincushion to your freshman year of college. Long story short, I did the math, punched in all the variables and aftermarket accessories, and discovered that technically, Megan Fox still qualifies as a virgin. It seems that the Abby Blue Book fails to recognize high school sex as actual intercourse on the grounds that you were doing it all wrong and fumbly for all of three and a half minutes in the back of your mom’s minivan in a Burger King parking lot. More importantly, it also seems that the Abby Blue Book does not recognize Brian Austin Green as ever having a penis, instead listing him under the heading “douchenozzle.” So, anyway, congratulations, Megan Fox! My handy book and I just saved you a fortune on hymen-reconstruction surgery. Reserve your copy today!