I’d like to give Rihanna’s latest Armani ads a big thumbs up, but I can’t, on account of the cuffs and everything. I sure hope somebody’s writing an outraged letter to a Congressman or staging a protest on my behalf, because I wasn’t “charging toward Rihanna wielding a knife” — it was the Dagger of Heccabees forged by a coven of dwarf-witches long extinct — and I wasn’t trying to “stab” anybody, I was trying to harvest a lock of her hair with the Blade of the Dwarf-Witch Queen so I could properly cast a protective spell around her. Honestly, I don’t see what’s so hard about this.

You’ve already seen Megan Fox almost naked in her ads for Armani, but what you didn’t see was footage from the shoot itself. I propped my laptop on the pillow next to me and pretended to feed her grapes and clink imaginary champagne glasses while I watched it, but feel free to do it however you want. It’s not like there’s any hard and fast rules for watching something. Not unless you’re at an elementary school play, in which case they’re very stringent about wearing pants. Philistines.

Screen caps:

I bet Megan Fox went with “We will all laugh at gilded butterflies” and “Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music” because the word “poser” didn’t have enough letters to cover her whole back. Here, I’ve got one for you: “Those who suck are oft blissfully unaware of how unbearably stupid they are.”

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

The latest pic from Megan Fox’s Emporio Armani lingerie campaign came out today, just three days after soccer stud Cristiano Ronaldo’s did. What? I don’t know. The tags said he was a “soccer stud.” I don’t know even know what that means, because I’m not foreign and I’m not gay. Best I can tell, “soccer stud” must be slang for “Jersey Shore spinoff ‘Jerk Me Sore: The Boys of Atlantic Shitty’s’ newest breakout star.” It’d just be nice if they’d put that on the photographs in the first place, you know?

Mr. Posh Spice David Beckham unveiled images for the new Emporio Armani fall/winter underwear campaign at Selfridges in London today.  I don’t really have a whole lot to add here.  Pictures of athletic men in their undershorts generally tend to speak for themselves, I feel.

Beckham for the Emporio Armani fall/winter underwear campaign:

Launching the new campaign at Selfridges in London:

Victoria Beckham has stolen a page from husband David’s book by stripping down to her knickers for a new Giorgio Armani advert. Half-naked insect women must be 2009′s Birkin bag! The Sun says

Her… first ever underwear shoot [is] for the fashion house’s Spring Summer campaign. The 12 million modeling deal follows the huge success of David’s eye-popping Armani campaign last summer.

Only David did it much better. See, he’s an international superstar athlete with the body of a Teutonic god, and she’s a praying mantis with hideous fake tits and skin like a thirteen-year old boy. I could put a pair of cantalopes in a Cross-Your-Heart and hang ‘em from a stop sign and still it’d be more erotic than this shit right here.