Ashely Kaufmann is indeed Lindsay Lohan’s bastard sister, according to a post La Lohan put up on her Myspace on Wednesday:

my father just let my family and i know, amongst others that he had another child after my little sister Aliana, or maybe he had it before Aliana?? either way, he cheated on my mother and that really sucks… MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Daddy of the Year Michael Lohan has consequently denied his daughter’s claim, writing in an e-mail to People magazine that he believes there is a “99 percent chance” Lohan’s MySpace message was actually written by her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, and not by Lindsay at all. So what we have here is yet another series of evil schemes orchestrated by family under the guise of holiday togetherness. Just like our “Christmas Eve dinner” that was actually a staged intervention or the “after-market ignition enhancer” that turned out to be a car breathalyzer. Lies, all of it!

Lindsay and Sam shopping on Melrose Avenue:

Meet Michael Lohan’s bastard kid Ashley Kaufmann, the product of an affair with 44-year-old massage therapist Kristi Kaufmann back in 1995 when he and ex-wife Dina “were on a break.” But is she really his? The NY Daily News says

The resemblance is striking. From her freckles to her smile, Ashley certainly looks like a member of the Lohan family. “I’ve seen pictures and, to tell the truth, there are similarities with Linds,” Michael Lohan [said] last week.

[But] Lohan has gone so far as to say he will sue Kaufmann for libel and defamation if the [DNA] test results come back negative that he is Ashley’s father.

Well, I’d say chances are pretty good that she’s a Lohan, because she’s already pursuing a music career. According to MSNBC

Alleged illegitimate Lohan sister Ashley Kaufmann is reportedly trying to follow in the footsteps of her possible half-sisters Lindsay and Ali by approaching studios about cutting a record deal.

A record-industry insider says, “Ashley has more talent than Lindsay or Ali.”

My mentally challenged cousin’s left testicle has more talent than Lindsay or Ali, so that’s not saying much. No, really. You should hear its rendition of “Ave Maria.” I think the only word to describe it is “stirring.” It doesn’t so much “sing” as get wiggled up and down while George screeches in butchered Italian with his pants down, but it’s still 95% more tolerable than another Lohan album. Some industry people are already looking into it.