Boy wonder Ashton Kutcher posted a picture of wife Demi Moore’s ass on his Twitter account over the weekend without her knowing it. He wrote:

Watching my wife steam my suit while wearing a bikini. I love God!
9:43 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

I’m not wearing the bikini she is that’s what makes it so glorious
9:46 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

Shhh don’t tell wifey
10:11 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

Oh, that’s right, boys. If there’s one thing that ladies love, it’s your posting semi-nude pictures of them on the internet without their knowledge or consent. Next to slipping them a roofie and videotaping yourself violating their unresponsive body, it’s practically the only guaranteed way to melt a girl’s heart.

Ashton Kutcher took to YouTube to bitch and whine about the injustice of being woken at 7:00 A.M. by the sound of his neighbor’s construction yesterday. Never mind that half the known world has already been awake for two GD hours by the time his precious beauty sleep was so thoughtlessly interrupted. And then, because he didn’t already sound like enough a tremendous asswipe, he went back and made an “apology” video, saying he was sorry for the earlier outburst, but it’s just that he likes being woken up by a “nice tune, like John Mayer or something sweet like that.” And that’s when I stopped watching, so I don’t know what happens after that. But four out of five experts agree that “changing his tampon” or “tucking his genitals between his legs and fondling his nipples in front of a mirror” is probably a safe bet.

If you thought Ashton Kutcher’s crappy new show “Pop Fiction” couldn’t get any lamer, allow me to present Exhibit D. As in D-list and D-Bags. Adnan “Fifteen Minutes Long Since Over” Ghalib and comedianne Kathy Griffin, panty-shopping together! Egad! In case you don’t know, the show’s premise involves celebrities setting up the paparazzi, like Paris Hilton and her personal shaman or Audrina Partridge and her meaningless tattoo. And in case you didn’t care, you could get the same quality celebrity fishing turds out of the shitter at Hyde or wringing out Lindsay Lohan’s t-back. Well-played, Kelso! Well-played.