Christina Aguilera either started her period halfway through her way through her performance at Etta James’ funeral yesterday, or the combination of the 20 extra pounds and the two-sizes too small suit made her sweat off some of that self-tanner. Either way, it’s still disgusting. And as for her performance, if you ever wondered what it would look like for someone to literally shit a brick, just watch her straining and squatting and grimacing for the next four minutes. You’ll learn more about what it looks like to shit a brick than you ever wanted to know.

It seems that legendary jazz singer Etta James is ready to kick Beyonce’s ass for covering her famous song “At Last” at Barack Obama’s inauguration last month. TMZ says

71-year-old Etta James actually threatened to beat the crap out of Beyonce Knowles — and it’s caught all on tape!

At a concert in Seattle, Etta told the crowd, “Your President, the one with the big ears … he had that woman singing my song. She gone get her ass whipped. The great Beyonce … I can’t stand Beyonce.”

I’d be careful about threatening Beyonce if I were her. Beyonce’s back to her playing weight now, and Etta James looks like she was constructed entirely from old turkey necks. I wouldn’t be surprised if Beyonce dipped her ass in blue cheese and then gobbled her down like a damn buffalo wing. No, sir. You never underestimate the fat girl when there’s poultry around.

Click here to listen for yourself.