Keira Knightley says she still feels uneasy and vulnerable after a stranger verbally accosted her in London last week. According to the Daily Mail

Keira, 23, said: ‘The other day I was walking down the street and was really thinking about this book I’d been sent. You know when you’re really in another place. Somebody jumped out and went, “Keira Knightley! Who the fuck do you think you fucking are? You’re such a cunt.” All this, and I’m completely on my own.’

After that horrific experience, Keira had a minder last night for the premiere of [her new movie] The Duchess. ‘It’s a weird thing to have to deal with, but it’s happened enough to make me quite jumpy,’ the actress said.

First of all, it’s not like I just “jumped out of nowhere.” I’d been camped outside her Richmond flat for a good two weeks. Secondly, my Tourette’s tends to act up when I’m nervous. What I meant to say was, “I really loved you in the first Pirates, Keira!” But what came out was “Keira Knightley! Who the fuck do you think you fucking are? Motherfuck shit shit fucking cunt Jew baby BALLS!” and also some eye twitches and compulsive spits. So, pretty much the toast I gave at my sister’s wedding word for word, only with more guys with billy clubs and handcuffs at the end. Mazel tov!

Amy Winehouse spent her Saturday night partying in Camden, and by “partying” I of course mean “punching windows and bare-knuckling security gates.” Sounds fun, doesn’t it? According to The Daily Mail

Amy started running with a mystery pal to live music bar Stables. Before she got to the club she slumped down outside a shop, then jumped up to slam her fist into the shop’s metal security blind. She arrived home in a distraught, tearful state with red marks on her face. Her hands were filthy and one of her fingers was blackened from punching the grill.

Who could blame her? We all know how much smack security gates talk. It’s all, “Who you lookin’ at, bitch?” this and “That’s right — keep walkin’” that. I just try to avoid them now. And don’t even get me started on ATMs or newspaper stands. They might try to tell me I’m a “paranoid schizophrenic” with “delusions” and that I “need to take my thorazine,” but they don’t fool me for a minute. I know a trouble-maker when I see one.