Remember how Lindsay Lohan said she was home watching TV the night a patron at the Smoke & Mirrors nightclub claimed to have been assaulted by her? Yeeeah… that was a lie. The cops now have The Standard Hotel’s surveillance video in which Lohan can clearly be seen inside the club on the night in question. Radar Online says:

“Investigators obtained the surveillance video from the Smoke & Mirrors nightclub at The Standard Hotel and it clearly shows that Lindsay was there on the night of the alleged assault,” a law enforcement source [said]. “The investigation is still ongoing… two other witnesses besides the alleged victim filed police reports, including the bouncer of the nightclub.”

And because it worked out so well three days before, Lindsay Lohan went back to the Standard Hotel last night, and you’ll never guess what happens next. TMZ says:

Lindsay… got into it with ANOTHER woman, and it ended with LiLo on the receiving end of a flying drink.

Lindsay’s friend drove her car to the hotel — LiLo was in the passenger seat. The driver pulled into the parking garage and hit another car. Lindsay then called her dad, Michael and he dutifully showed up.

He took Lindsay inside the club and the two hung out for hours … we’re told without any alcohol.

A woman in the booth next to theirs made a snide comment about Lindsay showing up with her dad. Lindsay then got up and screamed at the woman, “Shut the fuck up.” That’s when the drink drenched the actress.

Michael then grabbed his daughter and made a beeline for the door.

Captain Sober’s been at either Coachella or The Standard Hotel every night this week, not drinking and not doing drugs and not shoving girls who are prettier than she is. Like in this photo, for instance. She’s not totally geeked up here. It’s probably just the flash making her eyes do that. And this one? She’s not drunk. I bet the shutter speed was too slow. And as for this pic with Snoop Dogg, well, maybe she’s got pinkeye in both eyes and an Asian great-grandmother. We really shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

At Jeremy Scott’s Coachella party:

Kim Kardashian has decided to take legal action against the woman who flour-bombed her on the red carpet at the launch of her True Reflection perfume last week. Digital Spy says:

Kardashian revealed: “Now that I think about it and had some time to digest it, I think, ‘What if that was some other substance? What if that person had a dangerous weapon?’ It’s scary. And what’s even scarier is this woman acted as if she was a part of the press. She just came out of nowhere!”

Kardashian went on to say that she doesn’t want other people to think they can get away with other protests of this kind. “I’m gonna definitely deal with it because it is not acceptable,” she added.

Oh, so it’s okay when a black guy sprays her in the face with white stuff, but not when an Asian woman does it. That’s racism!

25-year-old Shia LeBeouf can’t hold his liquor for shit (see here and here), but he still makes it a point to get belligerently drunk wherever he goes. Including Canada, where he’s currently filming “The Company You Keep” and getting his ass kicked in street fights. Radar Online says:

The actor managed to get in not one, but three fights in the early hours of Friday morning. According to an eyewitness, Shia appeared visibly drunk.

“He got into a confrontation with a couple of people,” the witness said. “He took a few punches to the face. He was obviously pretty intoxicated.”

Shia had to pulled away from a bar patron by security when the pair clashed inside the Cinema Public House just after 12:30 a.m. However, once outside, the patron ripped off his shirt and unleashed a one sided attack on the star.

[The patron] ran up to Shia hitting him to the ground with at least three punches to his head… then Shia just put his hands up and gave up,” the witness said.

Photos taken over the weekend [show] a sore and sorry Shia sporting grazes and swelling to his left side of his face.

He gets drunk, starts fights, and then gets his ass kicked. So what. That’s every Christmas I ever had growing up. In other dumbassery-related news, rapper Soulja Boy was arrested in Georgia this morning after cops pulled him over for a traffic violation and found a shitload of weed, guns and cash in the car. TMZ says:

21-year-old rapper — real name DeAndre Cortez Way — was popped early this morning by Temple Police Department officers in Temple, GA at 3:15 AM.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … Soulja was riding in an Escalade with 4 other men, which was originally pulled over for a traffic violation.

We’re told … during the stop, cops found a “substantial amount” of marijuana and cash inside the vehicle.” Soulja and the 4 other men were all arrested. Soulja is still being held in Carrol County Jail.

Law enforcement sources tell us officers also found guns inside the car — though it’s unclear if any of the men had the proper licenses to be in possession of the firearms. We’re told an investigation is underway.

One source with knowledge of the situation tells us there was roughly $70,000 in cash and drugs in the car. all 5 men were arrested on charges of possession of marijuana, possession with intent to distribute, and possession of a firearm during the commission of a crime.

Boy, what are the odds that a Cadillac Escolade full of black guys would yield a cache of illegal weapons and drugs? That almost never happens!

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Jessica White was arrested outside a New York nightclub early Saturday morning after she snatched a trick by her broke-ass weave and busted out all her fronts. People Magazine says:

The model, 26, was charged with assault for striking another woman in the face and pulling her hair.

According to a complaint filed to the DA’s office, White allegedly hit the woman numerous causing “lacerations, swelling and substantial pain.”

White, who has been linked with both Sean Penn and Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Terrell Owens, was held in police custody for more than 12 hours.

Well, it’s like they say — you can take the black girl out of the ghetto, but you can’t take the ghetto out of the black girl.

Kim Kardashian got a glass of water strategically thrown on her tits last night when a “jealous girlfriend” of a male fan became enraged after Kim took a photo with him. Star Magazine says:

Kim wrote a message on her website Friday explaining, “I want to address this because everyone has been asking me if I’m ok after the bar fight last night. I’m totally fine, guys! Last night Kourtney, Scott, Khloe and I went out to a bar to have a fun night on Khloe’s last night in NYC. A drunk male fan came up to me and asked to take a picture, and I obliged, but his girlfriend, who was also drunk, got a little out of hand.

“Luckily I had Scott and Khloe there to protect me. None of us were drinking… we just wanted a fun family night out, but when people see the cameras rolling, they try to get attention and I guess that’s what happened when the drunk girl saw that we were filming KKTNY. I always take the high road, so we all left straight after and didn’t feed into their drama. Ok, moving on!”

Coincidentally, they just happened to have their camera crew on hand filming scenes for her new crappy reality spin-off “Kim and Kourtney Take New York,” so I’m sure we’ll get to see the whole thing on tape when the show airs. But not before they’ve shown the clip of her getting “doused” with water eight hundred times in the promos. E! just wanted her to do what comes natural, I guess. And nothing comes more natural to Kim Kardashian than taking a big wet load in the face.

In New York yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

A flamboyant gay man acting like a little bitch in a catfight? Say it ain’t so. One minute Adam Lambert is chilling out, flashing peace signs while looking like a douche, the other minute, he flip-flops like a hormonal girl and starting wailing on a pap. And by “wailing”, I mean, “flapping his hands at the wrist” and “subjecting his victim to dry-humping”. Popeater describes the event:

“Eeew paparazzi killed my peaceful afternoon on the beach!” the singer, 28, told his Twitter followers Thursday. “They’re real good at provoking, but there ain’t any pics or video of the bs they spew out.”

No, but there are plenty of images of Lambert slapping, grabbing and damn-near mounting the photographer, who is seen trying to escape the grasp of the singer while holding onto his camera.

In other images, another man, possibly Lambert’s friend, is seen trying to break up the fight.

The Miami Beach PD is investigating the incident, according to TMZ.

The ‘For Your Entertainment’ wailer was wearing a large straw cabana hat and goofy sunglasses at the time of the encounter, which he apparently thinks was awesome.

“Hahha the photos are hilarious!!! LOL please everyone forgive me for that hat,” he said on Twitter. “I was attempting a disguise — clearly failed.”

Of course he apologizes for a fashion faux pas, and not for the unprovoked attacked. This guy is douchier than the bulk pack of Summer’s Eve at Costco.

Picture source: Bauer-Griffin

An armed man was arrested early this morning in L.A. after trying to break into Paris Hilton’s home. If only more of us could be as brave as this unsung hero. TMZ says:

Law enforcement confirms that a man in his 40s was arrested at Hilton’s home around 6:30 AM. He was hauled off to a local jail.

Paris told police the man was banging on the windows of the home, but never actually entered the place.

Paris was told the man was considered “armed and dangerous” — and that she was “lucky” the guy didn’t get inside.

Paris didn’t know the man. It’s unclear if the guy targeted her or if it was a random incident.

She later tweeted that the guy was wielding two big knives (or “knifes,” as it were), so that’s probably what went wrong. You’re gonna need a free hand to distract her with a mirror, and then later when you pin her to the ground by her throat. Unless you’re the blue Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or that guy at the bazaar in Raiders of the Lost Ark, two knives is just one knife too many.

Actress Jodie Foster has been accused of assaulting a 17-year-old boy who dared to take her picture last month. Radar Online says

“My son saw Jodie Foster and is a big fan so went over and took a picture of her,” the father, who wishes to remain anonymous, told RadarOnline.com. “She came after him, poked him in the chest and… pushed and shoved him leaving scratches and bruises on his arm. He’s a good kid; kind of small for his age. There was no threat to Jodie.”

The family [says] that their son was really confused and apologized to the actress. “He was scared of her,” the father said. “At one point Jodie’s son even came over to my son and apologized. Her kids were really embarrassed.”

In response to the allegations, Foster’s representative said:

“This guy was most definitely a professional paparazzo. He had a large camera bag and 1000mm telephoto lens. He tailed Jodie and followed her all the way from the movie theater to the valet. He crowded her and her two sons and took pictures the whole time. Jodie told him to stop but he did not do so.”

[As for the alleged assault]: “She touched him on the elbow in an attempt to take him aside to talk to him and tell him to stop. He scared the kids.”

[However], RadarOnline.com has found no evidence that the teenager is a paparazzi.

What was that kid thinking? Lesbians are almost always angry. I thought everybody knew that. You don’t poke a bear with a stick and then get surprised when it attacks you. You’re supposed to hit the bear on the head from behind and then threaten to use its patchouli deodorant and flannel for evil. Then they’re putty in your hands, baby!

Naomi Campbell stayed true to form and punched a cameraman after a ABC News reporter continually questioned her regarding a “blood diamond” reportedly given to her by deposed African dictator Charles Taylor. For those of you who don’t keep up with ousted African despots, Taylor is currently facing trial for using the uncut diamonds to embark on five-year long butchering spree that left thousands people in Sierra Leone dead or amputees. According to NY Daily News

“I didn’t receive a blood diamond and I’m not going to speak about that, thank you very much” Campbell barked before storming off and punching the camera in the producer’s hands.

Campbell’s association with Taylor was brought to light by actress Mia Farrow, who told prosecutors that she heard the model describe a “huge diamond” she had received from the dictator.

“You don’t forget when a girlfriend tells you she was given a huge diamond in the middle of the night,” Farrow told ABC. “She said during the night, some men had knocked at her door and she, half asleep, had opened the door and it was representatives of President Charles Taylor and that they had given her a huge diamond,” Farrow recalled.

Prosecutors say the incident could directly link Taylor to the possession of uncut diamonds [used to] purchase weapons for his Sierra Leone soldiers, [but] Campbell has refused to be interviewed [by the] UN-backed Special Court for Sierra Leone about the allegations against Taylor.

Jesus Christ. She’s like a real-life Cruella de Vil. Only instead of Dalmation puppy fur, her coat is made out of amputated limbs and human souls, with extra pockets for her Morgul blades. I hear there’s this great Nazgûl seamstress down in Minas Morgul who does all her custom-tailoring.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Olympic silver medalist Nancy Kerrigan’s brother Mark plead not guilty to one charge of “assault and battery on an elder with serious bodily injury” after being implicated in the death of their 70-year-old father, Daniel. TMZ says

Cops say Nancy Kerrigan’s brother Mark admitted he put his hands around his father’s neck and thought his dad was faking it when he fell to the ground. Daniel Kerrigan suffered a heart attack during the altercation and died.

[Police reports say] Mark “appeared intoxicated” and “became belligerent and combative” when cops tried handcuffing him yesterday, so an officer pepper sprayed him.

Mark’s lawyer said that Mark suffers from post traumatic stress disorder from his stint in the Army, and has been living in his parent’s basement after spending time in jail for assault and battery related charges.

And in this time of trial and tribulation, who better to offer words of comfort to Nancy than the chick who hired thugs to bash her knee in? Former ice skating champ Tonya Harding released the following statement to the The Insider

“Tonya feels very sad for Nancy and her family and extends her deepest sympathy and condolences to them. Tonya’s beloved dad, Al Harding, passed away this past April, so she understands the grief Nancy and her family are feeling at this difficult time.”

However, Tonya still doesn’t know how it feels to be a USFSA champion, since she was banned from the association for life and stripped of her titles in 1994. But if Nancy ever needs to know what it feels like to be fat and make a sex tape, well, then, Tonya’s definitely her girl.

Nancy at the “Blades of Glory” premiere several years ago, and then the ESPN post-attack video for the sadist in you after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online

(more…)

When greasy buffoon Brad Ferro isn’t busy sucker-punching chicks in the face or dumping quarts of gel in his hair, he spends most of his time educating America’s youth courtesy of your tax dollars. We might as well go ahead and surrender to the Japanese now. According to Page Six

Ferro, 24, was arrested in late August for punching out [fellow Jersey Shore star] Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi at the Beachcomber Bar & Grill in Seaside Heights.

Ferro, a teacher at North Queens Community HS, was initially told to lay off the booze by bouncers at the bar because he seemed too drunk, [but] Ferro managed to stay inside the bar and [later] swiped shots belonging to Polizzi that had been placed on the bar top.

“That started a verbal altercation, after which he struck her in the face,” [police] said. “She sustained an injury to the inside of her mouth due to the punch.”

So he got drunk and punched her in the face? I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m pretty sure that’s just how men propose in Italy. I swear, people can be so ignorant of other cultures sometimes.

Over a year and a half after it happened, Rihanna is finally opening up about the beating Chris Brown gave her in next month’s issue of Glamour magazine. She says in the interview (via Reuters):

On the ordeal with ex-boyfriend Chris Brown: “I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears. That was the level of media chaos that happened the
next day.”

On her message to young women: “My story was broadcast all over the world for
people to see, and they have followed every step of my recovery. The positive thing that has come out of my situation is that people can learn from that. I want to give as much insight as I can to young women, because I feel like I represent a voice that really isn’t heard. Now I can help speak for those women.”

On how she made it back: “My friends and family have been extremely supportive, and everyone has been there for me. But at some point you are there alone. It’s a lonely place to be — no one can understand. That’s when you get close to God.”

Another time you get close to God? When you wake up bleeding from the anus in a drainage ditch off I-40 without any pants or memory of the last three days and there’s two men in overalls with shovels standing over you. Let me tell you, Jesus and I were never closer.