Since the power of her bouncing titties did naught to keep her man, Katy Perry is turning to cookery to keep a man satisfied. Now all she needs is a third tit and she’d be nigh unstoppable. Says Digital Spy,

Katy Perry has reportedly spent $50,000 (£31,000) on cookery classes.

The popstar bought the culinary lessons during a charity auction at Sir Elton John’s Oscars viewing party on Sunday.

The event in Beverly Hills saw the ‘I Kissed A Girl’ singer go up against movie producer Steve Tisch for the prize.

Although Tisch had offered up a higher bid of $80,000 for the lessons conducted by celebrity chef Cat Cora, he decided to share the item with Perry in the end.

An insider told Us: “Katy emptied her purse out jokingly for the cameras before she and Steve agreed to share the prize for $100,000. Katy got up and hugged him delightedly.”

$100,000 to a charitable cause might sound like a good idea, but I feel sorry for that chef. Something tells me that she might be a little upset when Katy gets bored with the science of cooking and spends her time dipping her fingers in the crème fraîche and licking it off, or making suggestive motions with English cucumbers.

At Sir Elton John’s Oscar party with Adam Lambert and Dita von Teese:

Now that she is no longer suckling at the droopy, wrinkled teat of  Hugh Hefner’s fortune, ex-bride-to-be Crystal Harris has to find other ways to support whatever substance she abuses to make her sad existence bearable. What better way to make some cash than to hawk the symbol of Hugh’s undying love temporary affection? E! Online says,

Crystal Harris is delivering another slap in the face to Hugh Hefner.

First she dissed him for his “two-second” sex with her. Now, she’s now putting the ginormous engagement ring her bought her up on the auction block at Christie’s.

And she’s expected to rake in some serious cash for the bauble.

The 3.39-carat diamond sparkler is expected to sell in the $20,000-$30,000 range.

Not a bad consolation prize.

Back in June, instead of marrying the Playboy honcho, cover girl Harris jetted to Las Vegas, where she posed in a bikini at a pool party and lounged in a bungalow.

“Today is the day and I just had to get away.” she told E! News at the time.

Harris claimed that the decision to not marry Hef was a mutual one (although their later comments belied that) and that she would be returning her engagement bling.

“I’m giving Hef back the ring,” she had said. “I just want to move forward.”

So what happened in between then and now? She looked into her future, and what she saw was a double-wide trailer and calcified implants and all that stood in between her and it was that ring. A temporary solution, yes, but she could get lucky and get picked up by someone who doesn’t mind treading where Hugh’s softie was stuffed.

Amber Heard in VS Magazine:

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Or, if you’re the jewelry store that Lindsay Lohan stole from, squeeze every last drop of publicity you can from it. TMZ reports,

A rep for the Kamofie and Co. jewelry store announced, “We have decided to sell the diamond necklace through auction, and give the proceeds to charity.”

As for the specific charity — the rep states, “We invite the public to make suggestions as to the most appropriate charity to receive the benefit of the sale’s proceeds.”

According to the rep, the auction will not take place until AFTER the criminal case is resolved “by plea bargain, or trial or some other means.”

The necklace is currently being held as evidence by the L.A. County District Attorney.

I think the money should go back to the Lohan family. They’ve been through so much already. They all really need a change of scenery to give them a fresh start, to draw them together as a family. I suggest that the money be used to buy them one-way tickets to Libya. By way of the Maersk Alabama. They say that adversity can really draw people together.

In Brentwood:

I’ve always said Lindsay Lohan was a whore, but I never thought she’d take it so literally — Lilo will be auctioning off herself to the highest bidder in order to “raise money for charity” next week. Wink, wink. The Examiner says

The celebrity auction will follow the BRIT awards in a special after-party event. The highest bidder will get to see what a real night out with a true Hollywood socialite looks like.

Top prize includes a ‘First Class flights to LA plus a week at the Peninsula Hotel and a night out with Lindsay Lohan, Sunday Brunch for 4 at The River Room, and the ultimate cinema experience at the Millbank Cinema & Media Centre for the winner + 400 friends.’

I have a feeling this “charity” is not really a charity it all, but a do-ragged coke dealer named Stabby. Sorta like the “charity” Simon Monjack set up in Brittany Murphy’s name that wasn’t actually a charity, either. According to TMZ

Tthe foundation — run by Brittany Murphy’s husband, Simon Monjack — hadn’t filed the necessary documents to qualify as a charity or nonprofit group. As soon as we called the foundation for comment, the website immediately shut down.

But late Sunday the website resurfaced with a message — it would return all the donations “until we have our non-profit status approved before proceeding to insure that we can truly honor Brittany’s charitable desires.”

And I’m sure that “paying off Simon Monjack’s credit card debt” was first and foremost among Brittany’ Murphy’s charitable desires, followed by “paying off Simon Monjack’s attorneys’ fees” and “buying Simon Monjack a dozen custom-tailored Armani suits.” It’s a shame that her dreams and desires are going to have to be shelved because of the government and their bullshit bureaucratic red tape.

And good luck finding someone who’ll bid more than a pack of Newport Ultra Lights and a couple of bus tokens for a night with this hot mess:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Kelly Brook’s boobs are slated to be a presenter at the “Heels That Heal” charity auction next month. The Daily Mail says

Kylie Minogue is selling her Giuseppe Zanotti heels, Cheryl Cole her fuchsia Rupert Sanderson pumps, Leona Lewis her Stella McCartney strappy sandals and Davina McCall her Carvella platform wedges [in the hopes of raising over] $1 million to fund research into women’s issues.

And judging from these pictures, “women’s issues” mostly entail things like “attempting to breathe after shoehorning your tits into a latex dress” and “not choking on your hair extensions when they crank up the wind machine to ‘full-force gale.’” I hope one million is enough to cover it.

Vintage Ralph Lauren modeling pics:

A (NSFW) thirty-year old full-frontal photograph of Madonna and what appears to be a small yak is now available to the highest bidder, thanks to Christie’s auction house in New York. People Magazine says

[The] head of Christie’s photography department says Madonna was a financially strapped 20-year-old dancer when she responded to photographer Lee Friedlander’s newspaper ad seeking a nude model. Her fee: $25.

Playboy published six photos from the shoot in 1985, though the one going on sale is “maybe the most explicit one.”

I did the math, and if your date to the senior prom bought you dinner, your puss went for more than Madonna’s did. Hell, if he just bought you a decent corsage. Or if he bought a pack of Trojans and two bottles of Boone’s Farm. Or even a shovel and a bag of lime for the guy you mowed down after those two bottles of Boone’s Farm. You can’t put a price tag on dignity, people!

Topless and therefore tasteful here; puss and therefore pornographic (NSFW) after the jump:

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Remember the name Natalie Dylan? The college-age skank who’s auctioning off her virginity to the highest bidder? Well, bidding just got crazy high — Natalie Dylan’s poonanny is currently holding at $2.5 million. That noise you just heard was the sound of every sphincter in your body spontaneously loosening at once. The smell will be forthcoming. According to the Associated Press

The highest bid for a night of passion with Natalie Dylan has come to $2.5 million. At least ten thousand men have out in bids to relieve Natalie Dylan, a cute brunette, of her virginity.

The winning bidder will get to enjoy Natalie Dylan’s favors at the famous Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada, where prostitution is legal. She has undergone a polygraph test and is willing to undergo a medical exam to prove her sexual status to the satisfaction of the winning bidder.

Look, I don’t see what the big screamin’ deal is about being a virgin. Consider the facts: 1) I was a virgin until my first marriage, because — as my high school boyfriend was always reminding me — doing it in the butt doesn’t count; 2) there was nothing special about losing my virginity, either, unless you’re a big fan of awkwardness and secretion-riddled fumbling followed by on overwhelming sense of shame that can only be eased by cutting; and 3) if you want a virgin, I can get you a virgin. Hell, I can get you a virgin by three o’clock this afternoon. And way cheaper than two point five million fucking dollars, too. It’s called the “The Local University Chapter of the Future Homemakers of America” and “The Society for Creative Anachronism Medieval Re-enactor’s Guild.” It’d behoove some wealthy business to do a little more research!