Kelly Brook’s boobs are slated to be a presenter at the “Heels That Heal” charity auction next month. The Daily Mail says

Kylie Minogue is selling her Giuseppe Zanotti heels, Cheryl Cole her fuchsia Rupert Sanderson pumps, Leona Lewis her Stella McCartney strappy sandals and Davina McCall her Carvella platform wedges [in the hopes of raising over] $1 million to fund research into women’s issues.

And judging from these pictures, “women’s issues” mostly entail things like “attempting to breathe after shoehorning your tits into a latex dress” and “not choking on your hair extensions when they crank up the wind machine to ‘full-force gale.’” I hope one million is enough to cover it.

Vintage Ralph Lauren modeling pics:

A (NSFW) thirty-year old full-frontal photograph of Madonna and what appears to be a small yak is now available to the highest bidder, thanks to Christie’s auction house in New York. People Magazine says

[The] head of Christie’s photography department says Madonna was a financially strapped 20-year-old dancer when she responded to photographer Lee Friedlander’s newspaper ad seeking a nude model. Her fee: $25.

Playboy published six photos from the shoot in 1985, though the one going on sale is “maybe the most explicit one.”

I did the math, and if your date to the senior prom bought you dinner, your puss went for more than Madonna’s did. Hell, if he just bought you a decent corsage. Or if he bought a pack of Trojans and two bottles of Boone’s Farm. Or even a shovel and a bag of lime for the guy you mowed down after those two bottles of Boone’s Farm. You can’t put a price tag on dignity, people!

Topless and therefore tasteful here; puss and therefore pornographic (NSFW) after the jump:

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Remember the name Natalie Dylan? The college-age skank who’s auctioning off her virginity to the highest bidder? Well, bidding just got crazy high — Natalie Dylan’s poonanny is currently holding at $2.5 million. That noise you just heard was the sound of every sphincter in your body spontaneously loosening at once. The smell will be forthcoming. According to the Associated Press

The highest bid for a night of passion with Natalie Dylan has come to $2.5 million. At least ten thousand men have out in bids to relieve Natalie Dylan, a cute brunette, of her virginity.

The winning bidder will get to enjoy Natalie Dylan’s favors at the famous Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada, where prostitution is legal. She has undergone a polygraph test and is willing to undergo a medical exam to prove her sexual status to the satisfaction of the winning bidder.

Look, I don’t see what the big screamin’ deal is about being a virgin. Consider the facts: 1) I was a virgin until my first marriage, because — as my high school boyfriend was always reminding me — doing it in the butt doesn’t count; 2) there was nothing special about losing my virginity, either, unless you’re a big fan of awkwardness and secretion-riddled fumbling followed by on overwhelming sense of shame that can only be eased by cutting; and 3) if you want a virgin, I can get you a virgin. Hell, I can get you a virgin by three o’clock this afternoon. And way cheaper than two point five million fucking dollars, too. It’s called the “The Local University Chapter of the Future Homemakers of America” and “The Society for Creative Anachronism Medieval Re-enactor’s Guild.” It’d behoove some wealthy business to do a little more research!