Here’s useless boobie carrying unit Audrina Patridge in next month’s Maxim Magazine. I do have to say that along with the usual “sensuously eating fruit pose” and the obligatory bikini and bra shots, I’m a little confused by what Maxim is hinting at with the “hose between the legs” bit. Isn’t that usually reserved for men? Are they hinting at female ejaculation, perhaps? The benefits of douching? I don’t really know. It’s up for you to decide, dear readers. As for me, I’m going to go outside and reenact this scene, and try to get some feedback from the neighbors. Cheerio!

I don’t know who that’s supposed to be in the PETA’s latest ad, but I can tell you one thing — it’s sure as hell not Audrina Partridge. That chick’s eyes aren’t even pointed the right direction. Everyone knows they’re supposed to look like she’s permanently staring at the sky. Not even close, asswipes!