Audrina Patridge is a useless, vapid famewhore, but she somehow managed to wrangle herself an involvement with a skit for “Chelsea Lately.” Here she is with Chuy, who is tiny and hilarious, and making Audrina at least 67% less lame by association. She seems to be loving that Speedo action. It’s just like she’s at the Olympics!

If “The Hills” is the equivalent of television diarrhea, then Audrina Patridge is the shart that stains your metaphorical television pants. Here she is being totally useless at the DKNY Jeans Malibu Beach House, but you’ll note that she’s in a bikini in these pictures. It’s not often that wiping your ass and jerking off become one beautiful motion, but if you have no shame, embrace it. Plenty more where that came from, pervert.

Boy, there isn’t a single part of “The Hills” Audrina Patridge that doesn’t just scream “fake.” The color of her skin, her tits, her teeth — all of it. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that she was actually made from parts of Bratz animatronics and recycled tupperware.