Sarah Jessica Parker loves the smell of dirty diapers.
No, for realsies. It says so in Us Weekly, and if you can’t trust Us Weekly, then… well actually, you totally can’t trust Us Weekly at all. But Parker did say this:
“I love the smell of diapers,” she tells the December issue of Elle magazine.
Parker has been on double diaper duty after the arrival of her twin daughters Marion Loretta and Tabitha Hodge — who were delivered by a surrogate earlier this year — and she doesn’t mind at all.
“I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good,” the Sex and the City star, 44, says, adding that she even says she loves “the smell of Balmex,” a diaper rash cream.
Gross. Like a baked good? The hell kinda pastries does this woman eat? Listen, the least disgusting thing that children ever smell of is drool, so this is basically like someone saying their favourite perfume is Eau de Merde. Which… different strokes, I guess, but dayum.
To celebrate their first birthday, singer Ricky Martin posted these pictures of his twin sons Matteo and Valentino on the beach on Twitter yesterday. Not to be confused with the pictures of him giving his signature “twins on the beach” reacharound with pina colada mix while cradling a guy’s balls in a brandy snifter full of sand. Unlike the sanctity of his children, those pictures are private.
Sarah Jessica Parker’s surrogate reportedly gave birth to twin girls today. According to TMZ
The babies were born this morning at the East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry, according to [local radio station] WTRF.
The station is reporting Matthew and Sarah are currently at the hospital with the surrogate, and will make an announcement about the newborns later this afternoon.
I don’t know a lot about animal husbandry, but I do know that horses usually only give birth to one foal at a time, and in the rare case that there are two fetuses, one of them usually doesn’t survive the birthing process. Good thing Sarah Jessica didn’t try to carry the twins to term herself! That could have been a disaster.
UPDATE:People Magazine is reporting that they named the twins Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick. I guess “Future Dyke” and “Fatty-to-Be” were already taken.
What the fuck is this shit? First there was the Snuggie, designed for people too stupid to operate a goddamn blanket, but who still really want to waste $15 on what is essentially a robe they put on backwards. That was pretty retarded, but this…
This is worse.
This thing is the Peekaru. It is a product designed for the proud parent who’s interested in taking the tattered remains of their dignity and beating it to a bloody pulp. And it can be yours for the bargain price of just $79.95!
Holy shit.
Okay, look. Babies are kinda creepy to begin with, because they have gigantic heads and big anime eyes and they’re always looking at you like they really want to gnaw through your cranium and snack on your brainpan, if only they could figure out how their thumbs work so they could hold your head still as they chew. This thing? Takes all the regular baby creepiness and wraps it up in a retarded Snuggie package and ties the whole thing up with a big Alien Chestburster bow.
Let’s go in for a terrifying close-up:
That shit ain’t right. Make it stop. Somebody call Sigourney Weaver, RIGHT NOW.
Hello, my lovelies. It’s Sarah today, and I’ll be with you all week whilst Abby attends a special training camp to perfect her nude human cannonball. Anyway, I went out Saturday night and didn’t get home until 8:05am today, so I’m feeling the effects of my weekend right now. How about you look at some pictures of pretty people with tiny tots, and I’ll go mainline some caffeine?
Adult film star Jenna Jameson gave birth Monday morning to twin boys. Us Weekly says
Being able to give birth to two healthy babies is joyful for Jameson, a self-proclaimed devout Catholic. “It was all in God’s plan,” she told Us two years ago.
You remember God’s plan. It’s in the Bible. Right under “thou shalt not do black guys, neither do you anal” and “remember the wiener and keep it lubricated.”
Nadya “Octomom” Suleman’s mother Angela Suleman spoke to Early Show co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez about her thoughts on her daughter’s situation, and she shed a little light on who the sperm donor was. CBS News quotes the video:
“Tell me about the sperm donor. How did she meet him?” Rodriguez asked.
“They were just friends. And she’s a very persuasive, well-spoken young woman. And somehow she must have talked him into it,” said Suleman.
“Has she been in contact with him since the babies were born?” Rodriguez asked.
“I’m sure she may have spoken with him,” Suleman said.
According to Suleman, at this point, the sperm donor isn’t a part of Nadya’s other six children’s lives, but she would like to see him be a part of all their lives.
“Every child needs a father. But my daughter wanted to raise these children by herself. So that, I think, is a kind of a little selfish act. I don’t know why she would not have a father, the father of these children in her life. I don’t,” Suleman said.
“Do you think he was paid for the sperm?” Rodriguez asked.
“I don’t know. She’s so persuasive. I doubt that she had to pay (she laughed) for anything really. She’s a very convincing person,” Suleman said.
I’m going to use my expert skills of deduction and read between the lines here. Nadya Suleman is a conniving, selfish, bloated bitch who should be put out to pasture. “Persuasive” meaning that she most likely hogtied the “friend” and milked the man’s prostate dry. I really hope CPS takes those poor little babies away and gives them to stable couples who don’t have little dollar signs in their pupils.
Freakshow Nadya Suleman claims she hasn’t had sex in 8 years, and that she won’t be dating for another 18 years, until her kids are grown up. The New York Post reports,
Nadya Suleman, 33, insisted she hasn’t been with a man since well before her eldest son, who is 7, was born though in vitro fertilization.
“I can’t remember the last time I went on a date,” Suleman told The Sun newspaper of London, after she was asked when was the last time she had sex. “Boyfriends? I think I’d have to be extremely selfish. I cannot maintain a social life and be a mother.”
Suleman promised to abstain from men until all her kids have grown up and flown the coop.
“To even take 1 percent of every night and devote it to someone else, a stranger, would be wrong,” she said.
“I have to wait for that until my youngest have left school.”
Ha! I really appreciate her attempt to sound like a responsible parent, but gee, having kids to try to fix your childhood issues of isolation kind of makes whatever you say irrelevant. Plus, not having sex hasn’t kept her from being a damned baby mill, now has it? I don’t wonder at all that she hasn’t had a date in forever. Having someone else to consult with about having a child is so tedious and is an unneccesary roadblock to achieving your goal of looking like a queen ant.
Arriving at the Bellflower hospital where her 8 babies are being taken care of.
Nicole Kidman claims that swimming in a waterhole in Australia was responsible for her unexpected pregnancy. NY Daily News says,
The “Moulin Rouge” star, who gave birth to daughter Sunday Rose last July, claims that she and six other women who swam in Kununurra waters during production of upcoming Baz Luhrmann romance “Australia” later miraculously conceived. “I never thought that I would get pregnant and give birth to a child, but it happened on this movie,” Kidman says in today’s The Australian Women’s Weekly.
“Seven babies were conceived out of this film and only one was a boy,” she gushes. “There is something up there in the Kununurra water because we all went swimming in the waterfalls, so we can call it the fertility waters now.”
I don’t take stock in magical waters. I DO however, believe in the magical powers of Hugh Jackman, Kidman’s costar. Wouldn’t your ovaries get excited at the prospect of being near to Wolverine in his native habitat? I submit to the jury Exhibit A:
Aaand for comparison, Exhibit B:
I think I just felt a shudder go through my fallopian tubes. I dunno, highlighted hair and a waxed chest with a Rico Suave shirt doesn’t do it for me. Case closed!
