Brace yourself for the most exciting news you’re guaranteed to hear all day: Oscar-winning actress Reese Witherspoon is pregnant! People Magazine says:

After weeks of speculation – whipped up after the actress sported a series of loose, bump-concealing frocks – several Witherspoon pals confirm that yes, the Oscar winner and her husband of almost one year are expecting their first child together.

“Jim and Reese are looking forward to having a bigger family at this point in life,” says the friend. “They can take the time to enjoy the next stage and make sure the transition for all is easy and joyful.”

Reese and Jim’s equally exciting future plans include things like sound financial investing, routine colonoscopies and lots and lots of flossing!

First pics of the emerging baby bump:

Demi did it, Britney did it, and Christina did it — now it’s Jessica Simpson’s turn to show off her naked pregnant body on the cover of next month’s Elle magazine, in which she reveals she and fiance Eric Johnson are having a little girl. Jessica’s father Joe Simpson was later quoted as saying, “I just hope she gets her momma’s double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!”

She still hasn’t made an official statement, but it’s glaringly obvious that Jessica Simpson is pregnant. In fact, the only thing that’s not obvious here is the reason why anyone would wear those sunglasses. Even Waldo and that old lady from the Old Navy commercial think those frames are a bit much.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Lady Gaga wasn’t the only one with a prosthetic appendage at the MTV Video Music Awards — it seems Beyonce was also wearing a fake baby bump to make her pregnancy announcement more “dramatic.” MSNBC says:

They aren’t saying she is NOT pregnant, just not pregnant enough to have any sort of noticeable bump.

“She wanted the announcement to be dramatic, so she made sure she had a [prosthetic] baby bump,” a source [is quoted] as saying.

A fake penis and a fake pregnancy? I dunno, this sounds suspiciously like my plan to trick Jake Gyllenhaal into marrying me.

Real belly in Croatia yesterday (above); prosthetic belly at the VMAs (below):

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Eight months pregnant Mariah Carey decided to show off her baby bump in a naked photo shoot for Life & Style magazine. And in case that wasn’t enough nekkidness for you, she and her husband also posed together in the nude for a series of photographs that will hang about the family home. I hope she’s already budgeted for a therapist. The Daily Mail says:

Nick Cannon has revealed he recently stripped down for a naked photo shoot with his heavily pregnant wife Mariah Carey.

He confessed that he is already regretting the artistic photos which are set to be displayed on the walls of their family home.

‘My children are going to have to see these pictures. It’s a little weird,’ he remarked during his Rollin’ with Nick Cannon radio show.

‘It’s a little nasty. I mean, have you ever seen your parents naked? When they get older and their friends come over… they will see the pictures and say, “Your daddy’s butt naked.”‘

It could be worse. They could actually see your dad butt naked in the flesh. Good luck getting anybody to come over to the house then. Trust me, all your friends will be too busy telling the guidance counselor and branding your house “the pervert factory” to have a sleepover after that.

Want to know the special moment that propelled Kourtney Kardashian into the realm of motherhood? It’s when some guy whose name sounds like “dick sick” spunked inside her and she forgot to take her whore medicine. I’m sure a beam of sunlight came down from heaven and the angels started singing! Us Magazine says

Getting pregnant with Scott Disick — with whom she recently reunited after splitting in February — was unplanned.

“This probably sounds so dumb, but there’s so many times I’ll forget to take my pill and I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. It’s just so stupid,” she admitted.

On her new reality show — Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami (premiering Sunday) — she literally gets sick in a club, she said. Her boobs also became “huge and they were so sore.”

The baby may be incorporated into the second season of her reality show, she “joked.”

You know, it takes a special kind of evil to bring a child into the world just so you can boost ratings for your shitty reality show. I’ve only ever heard it referred to as “Dina Lohan.”

PHOTO SOURCE: Splash News, Bauer-Griffin