Seems like just when we thought we might really know the father of January Jones’ forthcoming  little bastard, Matthew Vaughn’s camp has adamantly denied his being the father. Sheesh–at least when my daddy rejected me, it was just once–little Baby Jones isn’t even born yet, and already it’s been rejected multiple times. Says OK! Magazine,

A report recently hit the Web that suggested X-Men: First Class director Matthew Vaughn, the husband of Claudia Schiffer, could be the father of January Jones‘ baby. But Matthew’s lawyers are now saying it’s an “absolute lie.”

According to the New York Post, Matthew’s lawyers are saying the report is false.

Martin Singer, the director’s attorney, said there is no truth to the report saying Matthew had a “very close relationship” with January on the set of X-Men.

And the suggestion that he could be the father of January’s baby is an “absolute lie.”

January announced last month she was pregnant, but has not confirmed the identity of the baby’s father. It seems the mystery continues.

She hasn’t confirmed the identity of the baby’s father because she fucking can’t. Everyone knows that these actresses have vaginas like my favorite bar: It’s always open, and it doesn’t ask for ID.

Arriving at her hotel in NYC:

Saturday Night Live’s Jason Sudeikis was all “ummms” and “uhhhs” when asked about ex-girlfriend January Jones’ pregnancy at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this weekend, which has all the markings of him probably being her baby daddy. The Daily Mail says:

Washington Post reporter Jen Chaney says [Sudeikis] “paused” and struggled to get his words out when she raised the issue.

When asked if he had any comment, he said: “I’d rather… well, yes, but no.”

Asked if he was surprised to find out about the pregnancy, he said: “No, I — No, I didn’t have anything [else to say].”

Chaney noted that Sudeikis appeared “unwilling to say too much.”

Oh, he’s the baby daddy, alright. Stammering nervously and hemming and hawing is a dead giveaway that you’re lying about something. That’s why I always have people write letters of reference instead of testifying in person at my custody hearings. You can’t stammer on paper!

January showing off the bastard bump in Beverly Hills yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Halle Berry may know how to act, but it looks like she is Le Suck in the picking of the men department.  Radar Online reports,

With two failed marriages behind her, it seemed Halle had finally found her soul mate in Canadian model Gabriel Aubry. The couple even had a child together, adorable daughter Nahla Ariela Aubry, who was born March 16th 2008.

But RadarOnline.com has learned that Halle and Gabriel have called it quits and worked out a financial and custody deal. They spent months hammering out a deal with a lawyer, RadarOnline.com learned.

A source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com that Gabriel was the one who pulled the plug on their five year relationship and that the age difference – he’s 34, she’s 43 – played a role.

“Gabriel just felt it wasn’t working anymore,” the source says. “When they were first together the 9-year age difference between them didn’t phase him, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever dated and he was totally in love. But as time went on he started feeling it more and more. Also, Gabriel started noticing other women, and being attracted to others, and he felt it just wasn’t right to stay with Halle in those circumstances.”

Well damn, I guess that’s why it’s generally not a good idea to be with a guy who’s younger (and likely more immature) than you are. You have the bastard’s little bastard, your tits sink and you get stretch marks, and all of a sudden it’s a little too much grown-up reality, and then it’s time to share your Magnum with someone else.

At the DKMS 4th Annual Gala in New York:

Want to know the special moment that propelled Kourtney Kardashian into the realm of motherhood? It’s when some guy whose name sounds like “dick sick” spunked inside her and she forgot to take her whore medicine. I’m sure a beam of sunlight came down from heaven and the angels started singing! Us Magazine says

Getting pregnant with Scott Disick — with whom she recently reunited after splitting in February — was unplanned.

“This probably sounds so dumb, but there’s so many times I’ll forget to take my pill and I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. It’s just so stupid,” she admitted.

On her new reality show — Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami (premiering Sunday) — she literally gets sick in a club, she said. Her boobs also became “huge and they were so sore.”

The baby may be incorporated into the second season of her reality show, she “joked.”

You know, it takes a special kind of evil to bring a child into the world just so you can boost ratings for your shitty reality show. I’ve only ever heard it referred to as “Dina Lohan.”

PHOTO SOURCE: Splash News, Bauer-Griffin