It’s nice to see that Lindsay Lohan’s colorist was able to exactly match her hair color to her teeth. She can probably even scrape some of the tartar off her gums and use it to touch up her roots between visits. And it’s a great way to keep from clashing when wearing graphic prints.

Leaving the Ken Paves salon yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

I love Jayden James Federline’s face here. He’s thinking to himself, “Damn bitch, why did you have to let your looks go? All the kids laugh at me and tell me how you used to be so hot, and then how you went batshit insane and now you’d qualify as a MILF only after pounding a bottle of tequila, and even then you might need a paper bag. I mean, look at your nasty-ass hair. What the fuck, woman? It’s like you’re channeling Eddie Munster with that hairline. Girl, you need to get yourself to a salon.”

Taking Jayden to karate. Boy’s going to need it!

Photo source: Fame Pictures

I don’t know who’s responsible for Jennifer Lopez’ hair at the London premiere of her shitty new movie, but sweet Jesus, they need to be fired. It looks like… God, I don’t even know what it looks like. A beehive with a combover? A Joe Pesci toupee wrapped around a cantaloupe? I guess you can do something with the hairballs you pull out of your shower drain after all. Waste not, want not, my mom always said. Of course, she was talking about the mouthwash she was drinking at the time, but I guess it works for hairballs, too.

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Robert Pattinson was at the BAFTAs yesterday for some inexplicable reason, and I’m pretty sure his swamp ass left an oil slick on the red carpet.  Seriously, I know this idiot has a history of general disdain for basic personal hygiene, but god DAMN.  I bet you could deep fry a turkey in the skuzz you’d get if you wrung out his hair.

Robert Pattinson at Sunday’s BAFTAs:

I’m not sure who told Heather Mills that it would be a good idea to get Kate Gosselin’s haircut, but that person deserves to be punched in the face.  Or possibly they deserve a million dollars.  On the one hand, it doesn’t really help anything to give a peg-legged golddigger one of the worst head suits mankind is capable of dreaming up, but on the other hand… HAHAHAHA she just looks so ridiculous!  It looks like she got wasted and cut her own hair with a Slap Chop!  Also, it amuses me endlessly that there is apparently a cranial uniform for money-hungry famewhoring control freaks.

I think I saw this girl in LA this weekend, but I assumed she was some nobody who had hit on some hard times. Unfortunately for Tara Reid, she is a nobody. With wonky boobs, bad liposuction (both mercifully hidden here) and nasty bottle-blonde hair. If I had known it was her, I would’ve hit her with my car and put the poor thing out of her misery.

Wandering LAX: