Just in time for the holidays, it’s Paint-by-Numbers Christina Aguilera! Part Fruitopia commercial, part down-on-his-luck drag queen — PBN Christina provides hours of fun for young and old alike. Your PBN Christina comes with a Cerebrex IV drip for the seizure-sensitive and two metric tons of foundation and powder. Style her, defile her, galvanic pile her! Wig and lashes sold separately.

At the Africa Rising soiree’ in London yesterday:

Actress Catherine Zita Zeta-Jones showed up to a UN Gala event in New York two days ago looking like she’d fallen face-first into a barrel of bronzer and gigantic pores. God damn. When did she get so greasy? And zitty? She’s looks like an fucking Oompa Loompa with reverse five o’clock shadow. Michael Douglas must have left his top hat and Everlasting Gobstoppers back in the car with Charlie.