They’ve broken up and gotten back together like 400 times, but this time it might be really truly be over for Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. Samantha reportedly changed the locks on her doors and even banned Lindsay from her DJ gig at Bar Marmont. According to OK! Magazine

Ronson had gone out of [her] way to insure [Lindsay] wouldn’t be able to get inside. Doormen were under strict instructions… to look out for Lindsay and not to let her in under any circumstances.

But just as expected, Linds still showed up, only to be “restrained from coming in by five security guards,” according to an onlooker. “Lindsay knew she was unwanted, but came anyway, to no avail.”

Nothing like being forcibly removed from a party to let you know that it’s really over between you and an ex. It’s so much more clear-cut than being forcibly removed from a party for, say, singing “Moon River” in broken Cantonese into a microphone you pirated from the bride’s grandmother and then relieving yourself in the champagne fountain in front of the ring bearer. You have to admit, there’s a lot open to interpretation there.

…a little too late, and not enough. They’ve “banned” her from moving from their home, according to Female First,

The 16-year-old star reportedly believes she is mature enough to get her own place and live with her best friend Mandy Jiroux, but her dad Billy Ray Cyrus doesn’t agree.

A source said: “Miley’s parents feel, that if anything, she has already got more freedom than is good for her.”

However, ‘Hannah Montana’ star Miley is determined to convince her parents to change their minds and isn’t ready to give up on the idea of leaving home.

The source added to the National Enquirer magazine: “Miley knows that the next time she asks, it will come as less of a shock. She plans to wear her mom and dad down. She is itching for freedom and hopes to be under her own roof well before she turns 18.”

Maybe if Miley asked her dad if she could move in with her “friend” Justin Gaston he’d be more amenable to the idea. Take some advice from me, Billy Ray. You need to lock that girl up before she turns into clown car for that pedophile panty model. That’s right, lock her up, and while you’re at it, pull out those two front teeth of hers. Those chiclets could be used to signal for help.

Miley leaving her London hotel in dog pajama pants and slippers.

You know PETA?  Those zealots with more money than sense who are always running around tossing cash at random celebrities if they’ll swan about naked and pretend that fur enrages them?  Well, apparently PETA was not fully convinced that the world at large thought them enough of a laughingstock, and thus produced the following ad, which they planned to spend millions of dollars to run during the Super Bowl.  Until those meanie-pants fascists at big, bad NBC banned it for being “obscene” (and also effing retarded):

See, this is why people think PETA is dumb as hell.  It’s not that nobody cares about animal welfare, it’s that they’re tired of being shrieked at by deluded “crusaders” who are so lost in hysterics that they can’t wrap their heads around the concept that animals might be better served by spending millions on the actual animals, instead of an ad about zucchini fetish porn that was supposed to air during a testosterone-soaked ritual involving spandex-clad men grappling with each other over a ball.  Made of LEATHER.  I mean, seriously, PETA.  No one who watches the Super Bowl gives a shit about vegetarianism.  Go away and shut the hell up.  I got this here bigass steak to eat and you’re ruining my appetite, bitches.

Amy Winehouse’s stay in St. Lucia has turned from a relaxing holiday into a covert, no-holds-barred alcohol-wrangling night mission. Just like the Navy Seals, but with more falling down and slurring! According to The Sun

The sneaky singer… begs guests to order booze for her at the all-inclusive Caribbean resort. She was spotted creeping up behind one woman, asking for a cigarette and then sprinting away with her cocktail. A source at the resort said: “We keep catching her crawling past bars, or hiding behind chairs. She grabs guests’ drinks and runs off, like a squirrel with a nut.”

Squirrels everywhere were outraged by the comparison, stating, “We might spend four months underground buried in dirt and covered with fleas, but we sure as hell don’t smell like that,” and adding “our nests are not nearly as ratty and nasty as that bitch’s hair, either.”

Doing yoga and the rings:

Eva Mendes’ new Calvin Klein ad for his latest fragrance “Secret Obsession” has been banned by U.S. networks for its “racy content” (re: nipples). The NY Daily News says

The “We Own the Night” star caresses herself, rolls around in a rumpled bed and - oops! - flashes a nipple in the 30-second TV spot for Secret Obsession. “Between love and madness lies obsession,” Mendes whispers huskily. “Love … madness. It’s my secret.”

The ban “is not entirely a surprise for the U.S. market,” [said the] president of Calvin Klein, Inc. “We believe the commercial is exceptional. [The attention surrounding the ad] just reinforces our belief in the campaign, in true Calvin Klein fashion, sparks controversy.”

And it reinforces my belief that if something is spectacularly average and clichéd in every way possible, just toss some nipples in the mix and it’s magically avant-garde! Unless you’re applying for financial assistance or a bank loan, in which case nipples are more of a public indecency charge and nuisance. The more you know!