You’re Director of Promotions for Charmin® Toilet Paper. You need to promote the return of Charmin® Restrooms to Times Square for its fifth consecutive year. What celebrity should you ask to attend your ribbon-cutting ceremony? Hmm…DING! DING! DING! Kim Kardashian! Who else’s name is synonymous with ass? With a backside as broad as hers, she’d naturally be interested in a bathroom tissue that “leaves fewer pieces behind”, thanks to its DiamondWeave™ texture. It’s like PB&J, peas and carrots, and now, Kim Kardashian and ass-wiper! It’s a coupling of monumental significance. Bravo, Charmin, bravo.

Cha-Cha-Cha-Charmin®!

Charlie Sheen doesn’t like to wait till he gets home to get his coke-fueled puss party on — he got naked and geeked up in the restaurant bathroom before he ever even made it to the Plaza Hotel the night he was taken to the hospital. Radar Online says:

“Charlie was wasted at the restaurant,” one source [said]. “He was snorting cocaine and drinking vodka [and] wine.

At one point he convinced [porn star call girl] Capri Anderson to go to the bathroom with him. When they got into the bathroom he started snorting cocaine and then took off his pants.

Charlie wanted to have sex with Capri and tried but she stopped him and demanded her $12,000. He didn’t have the money on him so she left him in the bathroom!

Capri returned to the table and Charlie’s assistant got nervous when he didn’t come back. She told him and the assistant went to the bathroom to get Charlie.

When the assistant opened the door, there was Charlie standing there naked with cocaine all over his face! He was delusional and just completely lost. Totally out of it.”

You’d almost need a chaser after giving Charlie Sheen a blowjob these days. I bet a little salt first and lime after would really help with the afterburn.

See photos from their date night here; Charlie leaving a film set in L.A. yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

In case you forgot, Sienna Miller is a slut. Remember this and this? Also this. And don’t let’s forget this, from today’s NY Daily News:

We were a little curious when we caught Sienna Miller exiting the men’s room during Montblanc’s/UNICEF dinner in Hollywood, and downright intrigued when we saw she was being trailed by a short, straggly haired gent … whom she didn’t speak to again that night.

In her defense, I can think of a couple of reasons a woman might take a partner into the men’s bathroom. Maybe the toilet was clogged and she didn’t know how to use a plunger. Maybe there was a big hairy spider on the seat. Or maybe she just needed some sweet, sweet penis action up against the side of a urinal. Like mom always said, when there’s a will, there’s a way! Of course, she was talking about college, but I think it still applies here.

At the Montblanc UNICEF dinner: