It’s rare for me to come across photos of a naked male celebrity during my daily travails on the interwebs, whereas I can’t turn around these days without getting slapped in the face by some actress’ tits or bare ass. I know that 90% of the photos I post are of female celebrities in various states of undress, and lots of you have written me to complain about the lack of balanced nudity on the site. I feel your pain, ladies — I really do — but you should be careful what you wish for. All that glitters is not gold. Sometimes it’s just the light reflecting off rivulets of sweat and chicken grease.

Zach Galifianakis in the upcoming issue of GQ magazine:

PHOTO SOURCE: GQ Magazine

Here’s Dame Helen Mirren in New York Magazine showing off her 64-year-old knockers for the first time. Although she looked amazing in a bikini, seeing her boobs through a haze of soapy bathwater is more “Meh” than “Moo!” Maybe it’s because the pictures have kind of a voyeuristic quality to them. The lighting is weird–it looks like a picture you or I would take.  It’s kind of like walking in on Nana as she’s bathing, which is all kinds of icky. Although walking in on Helen Mirren is a lot less icky than walking in on my Nana, who’s 300 pounds and wears a colostomy bag. That’s something you can never mentally wash away.

One more bath picture, and a couple stupid ones (what’s with the back shot?)

I’m not exactly sure what Megan Fox is selling in this commercial, but whatever it is, I’ll take ten. Assuming the bath water is included. Bottoms up!

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