There isn’t a sweaty Greek man in assless chaps mounting Nick Jonas from behind in this picture, but it’s still probably the gayest thing you’ll see all day. Unless you’re looking in a mirror, that is. Oh, snap! No she dih-ent! That’s right — I went there. Consider yourself pwned.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

Hugh Jackman is in Brazil with his family this week, and he interrupted his vacation for a bit yesterday to swing by Grumari Beach and film a Lipton Ice Tea commercial.  I could’ve uploaded pics of the commercial shoot, but I’m guessing that maybe only 30% of you freakos are ice tea fetishists.  So because I am a good and kind person, I uploaded these pics from after the shoot instead, when Jackman stripped off and hit the water with his kids Oscar and Ava:

Ashley Greene is everywhere lately because ain’t no escaping any o’ them Twilight fools, but at least she’s better than Kristen Stewart.  Ashley doesn’t incessantly bite her lip like she’s trying to eat her own face from the inside out, and she also generally looks like she washes her hair at least once a week.  More importantly, Ashley has been slutting it up as hard as she can recently, which makes my job easier because you pervs are insatiable and it’s winter and the only other ladies flitting around half naked today are Victoria Silvstedt, who is an actual whore (as in literally a prostitute) and Rachel Zoe, who looks like she’s been dead since about 2006.

More photos from Ashley Greene’s “skinsuit” body paint shoot for SoBe Life Water, which will be featured in the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue (you can see a video of the shoot here):

This is Ashley Greene in a body paint “skinsuit” on the Turks and Caicos islands for a new SoBe commercial.  Photos from the shoot will appear in the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

The 22-year-old actress modeled two of make-up artist Joanne Gair’s hand-painted SoBe skinsuits which were inspired by the new, exotic SoBe Lifewater 0 calorie flavors — Cherimoya Punch and Strawberry Dragonfruit. The skinsuits take their design cues from the SoBe bottles – from the painted scales right down to SoBe’s signature lizard.

Ashley shared, “Being a part of the SoBe skinsuit shoot in the Turks and Caicos was amazing. It took the artist 12 hours to paint the SoBe scales on each skinsuit, but it was totally worth it. It’s an experience I’ll never forget.”

Oh and hey, if you like half-naked ladies and gambling (and who doesn’t?) you can enter SoBe’s “Zero Calories, Zero Inhibitions Vegas Sweepstakes” which runs from now until Friday, January 29 on SoBe.com. One winner and three friends will receive tickets to the invite-only 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition launch in Las Vegas.

Here’s a little something for mah laydeez.  Jason Statham on the beach at St. Barths:

Howdy y’all, it’s 2010!  Welcome to the future, bitches.  It’s Sarah, and I’m sorry to inform you that Abby’s been chained up in Mariah Carey’s basement unavoidably detained, and y’all are stuck with me until February.  Don’t fret though, pets.  She’ll be back in time for Valentine’s Day, so you’ll still be able to pretend you have a girlfriend again this year.

Oh hey, speaking of delusional lunatics, Lindsay Lohan spouted a bunch of New Year’s nonsense on her Twitter over the weekend.  From People:

Having said buh-bye to 2009, Lindsay Lohan is gearing up for a drama-free New Year.

“2010 is about moving forward, not backwards. Leaving the bad (people, habbits [sic], and negative energy behind) time to make changes-right!?!? ” Lohan, 23, tweeted from St. Barts, where she’s been spending time onboard Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich’s yacht.

As Lohan vowed on her Twitter page, “Starting my new year off with friends&family, the way it should be….. No boyfriends and the other drama.” Lohan’s message threw cold water on recent reports that have romantically linked her to DJ Jus-Ske and model Adam Senn.

While 2009 saw the actress sign a lucrative deal with fashion house Emanuel Ungaro, costar with Robert DeNiro in the film Machete and channel her humanitarian spirit by heading to India to meet with exploited children, she also had her fair share of drama: a very public split from deejay Samantha Ronson, countless rumors of random hookups and bad behavior, and in October, having a Beverly Hills judge extend her probation by a year.

Still, Lohan, won’t let the detractors get her. “To answer everybody’s question … My new years resolution is to stop letting the lucky few that have my heart, try2constantly tear me down,” she Tweeted. “Everyone get ready for more (but positive-LOHAN MAYHEM!!!!!!!!)”

Yeah.  Sure.  Because nothing says “drama free” like LOHAN MAYHEM!!!!!!!!

Lindsay is currently in St. Barths with her sister, doing… some stuff.  Lounging around and shopping, apparently, which means her “vacation” is exactly like every other day of her life.  I’m pretty sure that at this point, the earth’s magnetic poles would actually reverse if this bitch ever got a real job for even one afternoon.

Clomping around in ridiculous shoes and then copping a squat in the Louis Vuitton store:

This is Melissa Satta.  She’s one of those naked newscasters in some foreign place, like Italy or Jupiter or something.  She’s also dating some kind of sports-playing person, but I don’t know if it’s an Earthling athlete or a Jupiteranian one.  Anyway, here she is on some beach (possibly on Jupiter) wearing a teeny bikini (the better to show off her clichéd groin tattoos, dontcha know).  I’m not really sure why she’s wearing a scarf with a string bikini.  I think it might be a t-shirt tied around her neck.  What do you mean, why?  Maybe she was bitten by a vampire and she’s ashamed of people finding out she’s a sparkletard.  Maybe Jupiter is really cold… but like, only from the shoulders up, because maybe it has a really shallow atmosphere so your body is all warm and stuff but your head and neck are actually hovering in outer space so they’re freezing and shit.  How the hell should I know?  What do I look like, an astronomer?

Coco was on Miami Beach with her husband Ice-T and her nieces yesterday, and as usual she looked like what would happen if Geppetto had a side business carving adult-oriented puppets, and the Blue Fairy showed up drunk and brought the wrong puppet to life.

This is Jamie Eason who, after a short search I’ve discovered is a fitness model, writer, spokesmodel, and swimsuit designer. From her website she seems to be pretty intelligent too. She has a whole section on nutrition, even providing a grocery list suggestion ranging from proteins to condime–Oh hell, you don’t give a damn, and we here at Yeeeah! don’t either. What do we care about? BOOBS! ASS! BOOBS! ASS!

This is Sofia Vergara on the beach in Miami.  She’s dressed like my grandmother, who has been dead for nearly ten years, but the view was never this good when my grandmother leaned over.

Since there is absolutely nothing of remotely any interest going on today, here are some random pictures of Heather Graham on a beach someplace with some dude.  Just because.  I mean, would you rather look at Heather Graham’s wet ass in a bikini, or pictures from the premiere of stupid dumb Bandslam? Yeah, that’s pretty much what I thought.  You’re welcome, bitches.

David Duchovny does absolutely nothing for me, but I know many of my fellow womenfolk find his weirdly off-putting countenance to be swoon worthy.  Because I like to help my bitches out — even when I don’t understand their twisted needs — here are a bunch of pictures of him at the beach, many of which are shirtless.  You’re welcome, ladies!