The former gay lover of Michael Jackson’s dermatologist and sperm donor Arnold Klein claims that Jackson could never have children of his own because his father literally beat him sterile as a child. According to London’s The Sun

Paul Gohranson alleged: “I asked Arnold why couldn’t Michael Jackson use his own sperm and he said Michael was unable to produce kids, physically.

Once, when [Michael] was very young, Joe picked him up by one leg and started hitting him. Michael said that he didn’t mean to hit him in [the groin] – but he did and it hurt bad.

The second time [Michael] had put out a solo album and it didn’t do very well and they rowed that Michael was losing his voice, losing his looks and was gonna shame the Jackson family.

Apparently Michael started to cry and [Joe] said something like: ‘You’re a sissy and if you’re a sissy then you don’t need balls’ and proceeded to hit him [in the groin]. That was when the damage was done.”

Gohranson claimed that his lover told him Jacko’s testicle was “never the same again.”

If you’re a parent, you know just how effective cliched threats like “I’ll give you something to cry about” or “I will turn this goddamn car around” are. What you need is something with a little more bite. Something that really strikes fear into their grubby little hearts. And that’s where “Boy, I will beat your black ass sterile” comes into play. I swear, Joe Jackson should really write a book or something.

_{PHOTO CREDIT: In Touch Weekly}

“Jon & Kate Plus 8’s” Kate Gosselin wasn’t too psyched by the pictures of her lighting up daughter Leah’s bottom on the cover of this week’s InTouch magazine, but she still maintains that she was in the right spanking her senseless. According to MSNBC

[Despite] being portrayed as a “mother out of control,” the “Jon & Kate Plus 8” mom doesn’t regret her actions.

“Whether the paparazzi are there or not, I am a mother first,” Gosselin said. “I love my children and when they misbehave, I discipline them as I deem appropriate for the situation.”

The situation in question came about after Gosselin asked the 5-year-old to stop blowing a whistle while she was on the phone. “[Kate lost] her temper,” a witness [said]. After the spanking, “[Leah] was screaming and crying. Kate just pushed her away and walked off with her coffee.”

And to prove her maternal prowess, she made sure to be photographed playing with her children a week later. And by “playing with the children” I mean “staring blankly into the distance while jabbering on her cell phone within a reasonable vicinity of the children” and “putting the one she beat earlier that week in a reverse chokehold worthy of Greg the Hammer Valentine.” I bet you’d find more smiling faces inside a Malaysian sweatshop than you would in these pictures.

Video (sorta) of Kate spanking Leah after the jump.

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It seems that legendary jazz singer Etta James is ready to kick Beyonce’s ass for covering her famous song “At Last” at Barack Obama’s inauguration last month. TMZ says

71-year-old Etta James actually threatened to beat the crap out of Beyonce Knowles — and it’s caught all on tape!

At a concert in Seattle, Etta told the crowd, “Your President, the one with the big ears … he had that woman singing my song. She gone get her ass whipped. The great Beyonce … I can’t stand Beyonce.”

I’d be careful about threatening Beyonce if I were her. Beyonce’s back to her playing weight now, and Etta James looks like she was constructed entirely from old turkey necks. I wouldn’t be surprised if Beyonce dipped her ass in blue cheese and then gobbled her down like a damn buffalo wing. No, sir. You never underestimate the fat girl when there’s poultry around.

Click here to listen for yourself.