Kim Kardashian swears she’s never had any plastic surgery or dermal fillers injected into her face, but I think these before and after photos of her beg to differ. The one on the left was taken four years ago; the one on the right was taken this past Monday night at the Marquee in Vegas. I’m not a doctor or anything, so I can’t say for sure that a crazy post-op transsexual killed Kim Kardashian and is now masquerading as her in a desperate bid for fame and notoriety, but actions speak louder than words, my friend. And right now I’m doing that tongue-in-cheek sign for blowjob while moving my fist back and forth by my face. Case closed!

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner team up in a best friends-y photo shoot for next month’s issue of Marie Claire, and seeing them side by side like this makes you wonder — which one got the better fake lips? (The last two thumbs below are before-and-after pics of both actresses for your reference.) I’ve been looking at them all morning and I still can’t decide. I think the only way to settle this is with science, by which I mean a good ol’ fashioned girl-on-girl kiss-off. You know, to measure, uh, lip density and overall volume and… um, pressure per square inch and then map it on a graph for an accurate and fair comparison. Or we could just go with a full body contact naked oil wrestling match. See, the great thing about science is that it’s pretty impartial.

Ever wondered what “Jersey Shore” star Snooki would look without the poof and ten pounds of bronzer? Well, this is your lucky day. Inside Edition says

Celebrity hairstylist Francky L’official brushed out Snooki’s sky-high poof. Her heavy bronzer and dark eyeliner and shadow were replaced with much lighter neutrals and Us Weekly’s Fashion Director put Snooki in couture.

She looked super-sleek in a gray and black dress with shoe boots and a low pony tail. And the reality star was almost unrecognizable in a tailored black pantsuit… and a stunning gold and black Marchesa dress.

How does that old saying go? Something about putting lipstick on a pig… oh, wait — I remember now — it’s “You can put lipstick on a pig, and chances are good that The Situation will bring it home and have sex with it.” Consider yourselves warned, ungulates!

PHOTO CREDIT: Shervin Lainez for Inside Edition