89-year old Betty White broke the heart of Marine Sargeant Ray Lewis after turning down his video offer to be his date to the Marine Corps Ball later this year, à la Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. People Magazine says:

“She’s funny, she’s sweet, she’s mature. She’s the all-around perfect woman,” Sgt. Lewis says. “I really think we’d have a good time. I’m fun, you know… I think I can make her laugh. I think she can make me laugh. I think we can laugh together. So, call me!”

To White’s dismay, work got in the way.

“I am deeply flattered and truly appreciate the invitation,” White said in a statement. “As everyone knows I love a man in uniform, but unfortunately I cannot accept, as I will be taping an episode of Hot In Cleveland.’”

I guess Sarge will just have to bring his own hard candies and angina pills to the Marine Corps dance. Or he could, I don’t know, ask out a woman who wasn’t alive when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. Just a thought.

Now I can cross “Google Betty White nude” off my “Things I’ll Never Do” list. My parents must be so fucking proud right now.

It was Mother’s Day this past Sunday, and I hope all of you took the time to thank your mothers for wiping your ass for the first three (or in my case, seven) years of your life, and for suffering through every last one of your lame-ass middle-school band concerts, and for letting you ravage her once-intact birth canal and turn it into raw hamburger with bladder control issues. Trust me, being a mom is a lot harder than it looks. A little bit of you dies every time you sit through Sesame Street on Ice or have to construct a diorama of the African Serengeti using uncooked pasta and glitter glue. So to those of you with scars on your feet where Legos and plastic army men embedded themselves in your heels, I salute you. In honor of mothers everywhere, here’s Betty White on this weekend’s SNL. Enjoy.

See what motherhood has done to Christina Aguilera here, one more Debbie Downer skit after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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Super Bowl XLIV was last night, and I could really give two shits that the Saints won, so here are some pics of Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively in a bikini with her main gay Chace Crawford instead. And speaking of Chace Crawford, enjoy the above video of someone who could totally beat Chace’s ass with one wrinkled hand tied behind her back: the illustrious Betty White in the above Snickers Super Bowl commercial. Hell, I’d put my money on the rapping grandma from “The Wedding Singer” before I’d bet on Chace Crawford hitting anything other than a man’s ass with the backside of his balls.

A few more commercials after the jump.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

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