Jennifer Butler-Murray claimed last week that husband Bill Murray’s violent temper and out-of-control drinking were the impetus for her to sue for divorce, but — strangely enough — Bill isn’t the one the neighbors are calling the cops on. According to a report filed with the Sullivan’s Island Police Department (via The Ny Post):

On March 17 of this year, Butler-Murray allegedly got drunk and two of her kids ran over to a neighbor’s house for help. [The investigating officer wrote, "The children] informed me that their mother had been drinking heavily and had [become] physical with them,” the report said.

The report said Bill Murray was in California at the time.

The real victims in all this are the children. So much fodder for “your momma” jokes and so many, many months in a calendar school year.

_{EDITOR’S NOTE: The woman in the photograph above is NOT Jennifer Butler-Murray. The woman pictured is actually the devil.}

Bill Murray’s wife of ten years is suing for divorce on the grounds of his drug addiction, physical abuse, adultery, abandonment and a partridge in a pear tree. People Magazine says

According to Jennifer Murray, the actor’s alcohol, marijuana and sex addictions were among the reasons she felt forced to [separate]. The filing adds that Bill Murray once “hit his wife in the face and then told her she was ‘lucky he didn’t kill her.’” She has also requested a restraining order against her husband

The Murrays signed a prenuptial agreement in which Bill would pay his wife $7 million in a divorce, but she has asked the court to determine whether the agreement is valid.

When asked if the disturbing allegations made by his wife were just an attempt to solicit a bigger payout in the proceedings, Bill said, “Yeah, I definitely smell a rat. I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.” Marriage might be fleeting, but “Caddyshack” is forever!