Actress Maureen McCormick — Marcia Brady to the rest of us — divulges every sordid detail of her life behind the scenes of the Brady Bunch in her new biography “Here’s the Story: Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice.” According to E! Online

In addition to discussing an unusual string of relationships with Steve Martin, Michael Jackson and her TV bro Barry Williams, the actress also reveals that she once traded sex for drugs and engaged in full-on binges at the Playboy Mansion and at the home of Sammy Davis Jr.

The actress says she came to the feel-good show from an abusive family, with a father who abused and cheated on her mother. When the show ended, McCormick turned to cocaine and Quaaludes.

What followed throughout the ’80s was a battle with addiction and depression, including interventions and rehab stints galore along with various medications and therapies.

And just like that, another childhood memory goes “pfffft.” It’s like stumbling upon photos of Captain Kangaroo getting railed by two black guys in gimp masks or Laura Ingalls Wilder under the heading “anal fisting” and “Nazi fetishism.”