D-listers galore have spawned this week — “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” star Sarah Michelle Gellar, “Grey’s Anatomy” actress Ellen Pompeo, and sometimes-model-turned-Jude-Law’s-drunken-bootycall Samantha Burke all gave birth within the last four days. People magazine says

Sarah Michelle Prinze and husband Freddie Prinze Jr. welcomed their daughter Charlotte Grace Prinze on Saturday, Sept. 19. This is the first child for the couple.

They go on to say

Jude Law is a father – again.

Samantha Burke, the 24-year-old aspiring actress whom Law met while filming Sherlock Holmes in New York City last year, gave birth to a daughter Tuesday night.

And even more blahbitty blah blah blah:

It’s a girl for Ellen Pompeo!

The Grey’s Anatomy star, 39, welcomed a daughter, Stella Luna Pompeo Ivery, on Sept. 15 in Los Angeles.

Ugh, the only way this post could be any more boring is if it were read aloud by Wilford fucking Brimley and somehow translated into bean curd and denture adhesive.

Nicole Richie gave birth to a bouncing baby boy early yesterday morning, and then promptly ruined his life by giving him the gayest name ever. She wrote on her website

“In the middle of night, the very early hours of September 9, 2009, Sparrow James Midnight Madden was born to Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. He weighs 7 lbs. 14 oz. Nicole, Joel, Harlow and Sparrow are all doing well. Thank you for all of your good wishes.”

They might as well have named him Stinkhat Booger Sandwich or Wedgie Swirly Chester Backster, because that’s what he’s gonna get every day for the rest of his life.

Nicole with big sister Harlow earlier this month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Splash News

Sarah Jessica Parker’s surrogate reportedly gave birth to twin girls today. According to TMZ

The babies were born this morning at the East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry, according to [local radio station] WTRF.

The station is reporting Matthew and Sarah are currently at the hospital with the surrogate, and will make an announcement about the newborns later this afternoon.

I don’t know a lot about animal husbandry, but I do know that horses usually only give birth to one foal at a time, and in the rare case that there are two fetuses, one of them usually doesn’t survive the birthing process. Good thing Sarah Jessica didn’t try to carry the twins to term herself! That could have been a disaster.

UPDATE: People Magazine is reporting that they named the twins Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick. I guess “Future Dyke” and “Fatty-to-Be” were already taken.

SJP, or Madonna/Macbeth witch hybrid?:

Super cute Alyson Hannigan, who has been pregnant for approximately 26 months, finally had her baby last week.  Her rep told People today:

It’s a girl – and she shares her birthday with her mom!

How I Met Your Mother star Alyson Hannigan and her husband, actor Alexis Denisof, who kept the gender of their baby a secret during pregnancy, have welcomed a daughter, her rep tells PEOPLE.

The girl is named Satyana Denisof and was born March 24 in Los Angeles, which also happens to be Hannigan’s birthday. “They’re very excited, and mom and baby are doing great,” says the rep.

This kid’s parents are both pretty effing adorable, so who knows if science will even be able to quantify the cuteness of this thing they created.  It might even herald a New World Order.  We can only hope it uses its powers for good instead of evil.  It might not hurt to sacrifice a Care Bear or something in its honour, just in case.  I don’t think we want it to get angry.

Adult film star Jenna Jameson gave birth Monday morning to twin boys. Us Weekly says

Being able to give birth to two healthy babies is joyful for Jameson, a self-proclaimed devout Catholic. “It was all in God’s plan,” she told Us two years ago.

You remember God’s plan. It’s in the Bible. Right under “thou shalt not do black guys, neither do you anal” and “remember the wiener and keep it lubricated.”

Vintage mommy:

After what seemed like years of being pregnant, actress Jennifer Garner finally popped yesterday. According to Us Weekly

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have welcomed another girl, their rep confirms. The baby was born Tuesday in Los Angeles and is healthy.

A smiling Garner was spotted being wheeled on a roll-away hospital bed as she was taken to her room. A blanket was draped over her, and it appeared that she was holding the baby.

Well, here’s hoping that the newest Garner-Affleck looks less like the bastard child of The Hamburglar and Chrissy from “Three’s Company.” Surely nature wouldn’t be so cruel as to deal the jack-o-lantern genes twice!

Jennifer hot as hell in a Sunday Magazine photo shoot for 2007’s “The Kingdom”:

Hello, my pretties.  It’s Sarah today.  Abby’s wrapped in tinsel and doing unspeakable things with a mall Santa, but she’ll be back on Monday.

So anyway, you know those Duggar people?  The ones who are deep in love with The Jesus and the girls wear four yards of denim each and have all that hair, and the boys all dress like what would happen if the employees at Best Buy were allowed to wear different coloured shirts?  Well, Michelle Duggar gave birth to baby number 18 yesterday, and of course they gave it a lame J-name (complete with jackassy spelling, naturally).  From People:

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar of Tontitown, Ark., had their eighteenth child Thursday – Jordyn-Grace Makiya, who joins the rest of her J-named siblings.

Jordyn-Grace was born via C-section at Mercy Medical Center in Rogers, weeks before her due date of Jan. 1. She weighed in at 7 lbs, 3 oz and was 20 inches long.

“Mother and baby are resting and doing well,” says a rep for the Duggar family, whose crowded house is featured on the TLC network show 17 Kids & Counting.

18 babies.  EIGHTEEEN.  What does this lady think she is, a human Pez dispenser?  At this point, these people should probably consider just having a Cabbage Patch installed in their backyard.  It would save so much time, really.  At the very least, I hope whichever doctor performed the Caesarean had the common courtesy to sew in a zipper when he closed her back up.  That’s just proactive medicine.

Last night Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and beard Pete Wentz welcomed their new baby boy, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Says E! Online about the birth:

The baby boy weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces and measured 20½ inches.

“Proud new parents Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz welcomed new son, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, late this evening,” a rep for the new mom told E! News. “Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!”
The birth comes almost three weeks after the 29-year-old Fall Out Boy mastermind told Ryan Seacrest that his 24-year-old missus was “very pregnant…She’s at the very end, and it could happen at any point.”
As for the tot’s name, Wentz told Seacrest they were not looking to go down in the annals of punchline-ready celebrity monikers.

“I want to meet the baby first. My friend said it—you’ve gotta have a baby with a name that could be a rock star or a senator, so he’ll get work either way.”

Oh sure, “whiny scruffy boy in a loincloth raised by wolves” positively smacks of rock stardom, or better yet, electoral success! Maybe if he gets elected to office, he can bring Baloo and Bagheera along as his advisors. The “Bear Necessities” sounds like a great political agenda to me!

“Singer” Wynona Judd Lisa Marie Presley finally popped last week. According to Us Weekly

Lisa Marie Presley and husband Michael Lockwood are now on double diaper duty. They “welcomed two baby girls on Tuesday, October 7, by C-section at 2:46 p.m. The babies weighed 5 lbs., 15oz., and 5 lbs., 2 oz.”

Lisa Marie went on to say, “With the purchase of any four new Michelin® brand passenger or light truck tires, you’ll get a free emergency roadside kit! Michelin — come explore the road of tomorrow” and then went back to waving and pivoting back and forth outside the Goodyear.

Annoyingly cute singer Gwen Stefani has given birth to a son, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Yeah, I know. Zuma Nesta? Isn’t that the name of some sleeping pill? I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want my son’s name to conjure up images of some creepy green glowing moth invading my room. NineMSN reports,

Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale weighed in at a healthy 8.5 pounds. Mum and baby are both “happy and healthy” says a publicist from the hospital.

Zuma is Gwen’s second child with husband Gavin Rossdale, the couple already have a two-year-old son, Kingston.

If you ever wake up in the middle of the night to the soft fluttering of moth wings over your mouth, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

A very pregnant but still adorable Gwen in LA August 10

Angelina Jolie gave birth to the twins via c-section Saturday night in France — a boy, Knox Leon, weighing 5.03 lbs, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline, weighing 5 lbs. And on hand to welcome the chosen ones into the word? Daddy Brad Pitt, naturally, and the mayor of the French city in which they were born. According to People magazine

On Sunday, Mayor Christian Estrosi of Nice presented one of the birth certificates of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s twins on the steps of Nice’s Fondation Lenval hospital.

The mayor [said], “It’s a pride to Nice and all its citizens. On behalf of the inhabitants of Nice, I congratulate the happy parents, the most famous couple of the world who have chosen our city for this happy event. I also congratulate the four brothers and sister of the newborns who are [history won't forget it] real ‘Niçois’.”

Earlier in the afternoon, a large bouquet of white roses and lilies for Jolie were delivered.

Oh, that’s nice, isn’t it? Loads of flowers and a public mayoral ceremony to welcome their new life into the world. Kinda like when I was born, and my Dad stepped out for a smoke and then never came back. Only with less pomp and circumstance, of course.