Rihanna was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live this weekend, where she performed a stirring rendition of her musical masterpieces “Birthday Cake” and “Talk that Talk.” And by “performed” I mean “she slapped at her puss the whole time like it was swarming with fire ants and Japanese hornets.” But the real trick is coming up with a clever name for her new signature dance move so it will catch on. I myself like The Beaver Pelt or The Clam Slam, but I have yet to hear back from her people.
Rihanna and her visible nipple on the set of “Where Have You Been” (video after the jump):
The producers of Rihanna’s new “Birthday Cake” remix denied that Chris Brown was the “shocking” cameo on her latest track, but the single is online and of course it features none other than Chris “I Punched That Bitch in the Face” Brown. And if the title “Birthday Cake” didn’t tip you off, the song is a real auditory delight. ABC News says:
Rumors [that Brown was the featured collaborator on Rihanna's new single] only grew on Monday morning when Brown tweeted, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROBYN!,” to which Rihanna — replied “Thanks!” — [marking] the first time in a long time that the former flames had communicated directly with each other on Twitter.
Brown tweeted a link to the new music, along with a couple words from the blush-worthy track — “Cake, cake, cake!” — which Rihanna retweeted along with some additional lyrics, “#RihannaNavy Come and put ya name on it!!!!!”
Brown also shared a link revealing that Rihanna had returned the favor, reuniting with her former beau on a re-do of his Fortune single “Turn Up the Music.”
Though there’ve been rumors that Brown and Rihanna have rekindled their romance, Brown’s rep has said that is in a relationship and not cheating on his girlfriend. One listen to Rihanna and Brown’s verses on the highly suggestive “Birthday Cake” remix though, and speculation about whether the former pair are dating again is likely only to grow.
“Rekindle” is an interesting choice of words to describe what they’re doing to their relationship, but I don’t guess there is a word in English that means “pick the infected scab off a partially-weeping sore with a dirty fingernail and a pair of rusted roach clips.” I find most Germanic-based languages can be so limiting that way.
Jon Gosselin pocketed a nice chunk of change from “Entertainment Tonight” when he brought their cameras with him to twin daughters Mady and Cara’s birthday party yesterday afternoon. This would be the same guy who fired off a cease and desist letter to TLC last week on the grounds that filming the children was “detrimental to their emotional well-being.” TMZ says
Jon struck a deal with a TV show to allow it to film his kids’ birthday party — [even though] Jon doesn’t want his kids filmed on “Kate Plus 8.” Kate’s lawyer, Mark Momjian, tells TMZ, “I’ve never seen a greater hallmark for hypocrisy personified.”
Jesus Christ. At this point, even a fucking ground squirrel would make a better dad than Jon Gosselin. And they’ve been known to eat their own young from time to time. Ten bucks says a ground squirrel would have at least spelled his daughter’s name right on the damn birthday cake.
In full douche attire while arriving to the party:
